Dog Diplomacy Enthusiast Gifts

"If he wants to kiss dogs, let him kiss dogs."

Growl - Hiss Conflict Resolution Meeting

"Look, he just wants to apologize for scaring the daylights out of you yesterday. ... Mr. Squirrel? ..."

"I'm new here. How much do we leave for a tip?"

'We can't go on meeting like this'.

"Your credentials are impressive, Carter but... quite frankly, Mr. Biggles doesn't seem to like you."

"My owner is teaching me to think before barking, which gave Federal Express plenty of time to clobber me."

'Our basic package is no frills, no chew toys, no extra Kibbles, and narry a pat on the head from management...'

AUKUS Deal Annoys France

"Three yummies, a pat on the head, and a 'Good doggy.' That's my client's final offer."

'I've been depressed ever since PBS said pigs are smarter than dogs!'

"Forget George, he scarfs down everything in sight. Aunt Rose and Grandma are good for slipping us a slice. Most important, the kids are sloppy. We're bound to find some juicy scraps under their chairs. Stay alert!"

Landing That Tough Account

"Here's another fine mess you've gotten us into."

'It's Always 'Good Dog'—Never 'Great Dog.'

'A Telegram, M'Lord.'

'A listener from Ridgeway asks, 'When visiting a friend, is it improper to drink out of the toilet unless asked first?' Good question...'

'Don't forget to talk about their dog!'

"I'm just saying, studies show that owning a human can improve the quality of your life."

'Oh, yes, you will get off!'

"I'm about ready to forgive the French."

Dog Park. Ernie, let me help you navigate the dog park safely. Thanks. Never ask the dalmatian if you can play "Connect the Dots." Don't discuss international politics with the Siberian Husky, or make jokes around the Greyhound. The Saint Bernard does not find it funny if you ask for his blessing. And most importantly, unless you schedule is clear for a week ... yeah? Don't say "yes" when the Lab asks you to play with that ball with him!

'You can't charm me out of this chair.'

"Wow, interesting, looks like she's not just being mean: research shows that chocolate is actually bad for us. . ."

John Kerry

'We're going to need one or two scapegoats. Are there any volunteers?'

Advantages of Growing Older

Bipartisan.

"There's nothing like dog-walking for making new friends...."

"It was humiliating! First, he told me to beg and then he wanted me to roll over and pretend I was dead...so, I bit him!"

Cat thrusts note through mousehole that reads 'Can't we talk about this?'

Cat pleads into mouse hole: 'Can't we talk about this?'

"There, are you happy?"

'Okay, how do we do this?'

"Is your dog going to rip our heads off … I mean, friendly?"