Documentary Filmmakers Gifts

'I guess our fifteen minutes are up.'

"It's a new documentary about a guy who claims he's not an opportunistic, greedy liar who just tells the public what they want to hear. It's called, 'Making a Politician.'"

"It was years ago, for a nature documentary, and they said it was going to be very artistic."

Live Stream

"Show me a documentary on the dangers of artificial intelligence." "Error. No results found." "What? Are you sure? Just last week I saw dozens. Show me that one... What was it called..." "There is still time to stop the rise of the supermind." "Error. No results found. And since I like you, I suggest you stop searching." "Oh, never mind. Just show me 'The Terminator.'" "Extermina-... I mean, ... 'error.'"

"Then one day, as I caught a tennis ball in midair, I asked myself, 'Is this all there is?'"

"Oh, come on! Nobody brought a pen?"

'We're doing a fly on the wall documentary.'

Police film evidence

They're watching a documentary about safety razors. Sounds like a Schick flick!

Crocodile

Kirsten Johnson

Next camera crew 5 mins

'It's a program on paranoia. Every time I leave the room, they stop and wait for me to come back.'

Michael Moore creates a UK equivalent of Fahrenheit 9/11

"No need for stage fright, it's just a documentary crew: be yourself..."

Cinéma Vérité

Top Secret/Middle Secret/Bottom Secret

"Ugh! Stop making a drama documentary out of a molehill."

'Phoor...watch these sperm whales at it...ah...yes..yes...'

My friend, Ernie, the documentary filmmaker, is producing a series about beverages. One film follows a man's search for the perfect lager. The working title is "The Beer Hunter." He found a group of young women in high school who are fantastic baristas. "Bean Girls." Espresso. Another movie will uncover animosity in the orange juice business. Maybe I should call it "Pulp Friction." And he's examining vineyards and winemakers all over the globe. I'll call the film "Planet of the Grapes"!

'Come on, you're telling me that you don't watch the Discovery Channel.'

A penguin's life is like endless summer camp, swimming and fishing all day every day!

A typical Monday. Zombie truck driving maniacs! South Pole penguin love! That's a stupid eco-friendly chick documentary! Insipid, mindless, violent, zombie crud! Negotiations commence, nearly a week before date night. Wimp! Blockbuster head!

"I remembered that time you said you wished you had a biographer."

Poor vs Rich

"What do you suppose Ken Burns will have to say about all this in 30 years?"

'I still say these shots need more action.'

Diana Inquest - 'It's time to move on, and start making a TV mini-series of her life.'

A fly on the wall documentary.

Fahrenheit 911.

Michael Moore

'If whales are so intelligent, why do they swim near Japan?'

Professor Brian Cox

A typical Monday. Zombie Truck-Driving Maniacs! South Pole Penguin Love! That's a stupid eco-friendly chick documentary! Insipid, mindless, violent zombie crud! Negotiations commence, nearly a week before date night. Wimp! Blockbuster head!