Doctor Specializing In Maternity T-Shirts

"I didn't realise it could be so complicated!"

"His first out-of-body experience."

The cell phone soother for life.

"Great! I must be growing. The womb was less than half full last week."

"I only travelled with my umbilical cord!"

'Don't worry. It's never too hot or never too cold.'

A midwife holding a baby

Pregnant lady being greeted by foetus.

"There's your son's heartbeat, and over here is the app he's developing."

"The doctor wanted me to let you know that everything is fine, but your c-section didn't go quite as planned. it was more like a 'K' section..."

"No wonder babies are born screaming. I haven't had a wink of sleep since the exit light came on!"

"That's all I get? A sonogram? No tracking number?"

"No, the cordless embryo isn't available."

"Remember, pregnancy is like taking an exciting thrill ride at an amusement park only the seats are larger."

Giving birth with your husband present may be more painful.

"Same old same old. How about you?"

'I'm keeping a scrap book. All I've got so far is one umbilical cord.'

"The amnio's fine, the sex is male, and the name is Wade."

'and remember delivery is free if it happens in a half hour!'

No kicking: 12-6 Mon-Sun

'As you can see, it's too late for a termination...Baby is capable of surviving outside the womb...'

"Congratulations! It's a bitch!"

"We didn't want to know the gender in advance."

"I'd better enjoy this while I can. It's the only home I'll own without a mortgage!"

'Grandma, does the hospital charge by the pound when people have babies?'

The obstetrician doesn't need a close catcher...

Doctor performing an ultrasound on a Russian nesting doll

"It's a boy, but that's a common one so don't get too excited."

'Do I like kids? You bet I do: I deliver babies for a living...'

"Congratulations—It's a well dressed boy."

"...for a canal I thought that was unusually short."

"Good news. It's a small pig."

'I'm sorry. It looks like your insurance company doesn't cover pre-existing life.'

'A Caesarian? - But I want my son to be a natural-born citizen!'