Doctor Specializing In Maternity Pillows

"I didn't realise it could be so complicated!"

"His first out-of-body experience."

"Great! I must be growing. The womb was less than half full last week."

The cell phone soother for life.

'Don't worry. It's never too hot or never too cold.'

"I only travelled with my umbilical cord!"

A midwife holding a baby

Pregnant lady being greeted by foetus.

"There's your son's heartbeat, and over here is the app he's developing."

"The doctor wanted me to let you know that everything is fine, but your c-section didn't go quite as planned. it was more like a 'K' section..."

"No wonder babies are born screaming. I haven't had a wink of sleep since the exit light came on!"

Giving birth with your husband present may be more painful.

"Same old same old. How about you?"

"Remember, pregnancy is like taking an exciting thrill ride at an amusement park only the seats are larger."

"That's all I get? A sonogram? No tracking number?"

'I'm keeping a scrap book. All I've got so far is one umbilical cord.'

"No, the cordless embryo isn't available."

"The amnio's fine, the sex is male, and the name is Wade."

'and remember delivery is free if it happens in a half hour!'

'As you can see, it's too late for a termination...Baby is capable of surviving outside the womb...'

No kicking: 12-6 Mon-Sun

"I'd better enjoy this while I can. It's the only home I'll own without a mortgage!"

"Aah! Bless! Look at him on his I-pad!"

"Congratulations! It's a bitch!"

"We didn't want to know the gender in advance."

'Grandma, does the hospital charge by the pound when people have babies?'

The obstetrician doesn't need a close catcher...

Doctor performing an ultrasound on a Russian nesting doll

'I'm sorry. It looks like your insurance company doesn't cover pre-existing life.'

"...for a canal I thought that was unusually short."

"I guess for me family planning is just a study in fertility."

"Congratulations—It's a well dressed boy."

'Do I like kids? You bet I do: I deliver babies for a living...'

"It's a boy, but that's a common one so don't get too excited."

'A Caesarian? - But I want my son to be a natural-born citizen!'