Doctor's Office Decorator Gifts

'I know a skirt-blower would save time, but I don't thing the patients would like it.'

'Muscle cramps? Surely you jest!'

On his desk, a cat has an in box, out box and litter box.

'Fine stencilling. But have you never thought - Tit Willow, Tit Willow, Tit Willow?'

Painting by the numbers for adults

"It's made entirely out of rejected resumes."

Painting the Ceiling

'Frankly, I think watching paint dry has been given a bad press.'

'And just what makes you think I don't know what I'm doing?!!'

'Can I invite my friends round to watch, Mom?'

"We went for Scandinavian interiors."

"Good morning. Fen, Boscage, Bracken & Spinney."

School Career Choices: Celebrity chef, celebrity gardener,celebrity plumber, celebrity vet, celebrity painter & decorator. . .

"I'm starting to think stripes."

Face Painting.

"On second thought, mabe it would look better over there."

The Pencil and Sharpener

"My feng-shui consultant placed Harold in the closet."

Michelangelo is painting the Sistine Chapel ceiling and a priest comes to check how he's going - 'Michelangelo, what the hell is that? I just wanted a couple of coats of duck-egg blue!'

'The kids just love doing paint by numbers.'

'I wanted a change in decor.'

Cutaway view of house undergoing renovation

"My pillow mania got out of control so I'm limiting myself to just one at a time."

Redecorating Easter Island.

"Hon, do you think the accent wall was a mistake?"

"While you were out, the staff whittled away your desk into a totem pole."

'Oh, Olivia, I just love your new caption! Where on earth did you find it?'

'Quick, press control Z!'

"When you work from home everyday is Casual Day."

"Does this desk make my job look big?"

'Hello, Robinson Crusoe here, I'd like my kitchen finished by Friday.'

'Here you are. I got tired of making you endless cups of tea..!'

"Love your feng shui!"