Doctor Patient Communication Gifts

"There's very little of this going around? Is that supposed to make me feel better?"

'Well, what do I have?...Within reason, of course.'

'Nurse, I said x-ray, not microwave.'

Sign in doctors office - Malpractice Makes Perfect.

"The biopsy on your mole came back negative, which is positive, which is good."

'Where does it hurt?'

"Well, yes, I suppose I could explain the test results in 'plain English' — but then you'd know how sick you are."

'I'm the doctor - I'll decide what's chronic!'

"Take two of these and call my answering service in the morning."

'When you perform the surgery, please don't remove any of my untapped potential.'

J. Greeble, MD: Practice limited to simple, straightforward, old-fashioned diseases.

'I've got a patient who needs to chat to someone...Have you got anyone who's completed the 'verbal communication with patients in a personal, supportive but not disempowering' course?'

"Is this your first time seeing a specialist?"

'You've got Finklestein's syndrome!' - 'Are you Finklestein?'

"You can't check my pulse while I'm checking your pulse!"

"Unfortnuately, we won't know what's wrong with you until we do an autopsy."

"So, we are all agreed, gentlemen. There shouldn't be that many of those, and that's a funny colour."

"How did it go? Read my blog."

'It's Mrs Yomp - she can't remember if she should take the aspirin first and call you in the morning, or call you first, then take the aspirin...'

"Well, I have some good news and some lab results."

"Lucky we caught it early. It's easier to treat in the larva stage."

Telephone consultations worked but maybe TEXT consultations were a step too far...Does anyone recognise 'fngx stre pink' as a symptom?.

"Hopefully my body language tells you all you need to know."

"I've got a patient who needs to chat to someone...Have you got anyone who's completed the 'verbal communication with patients in a personal, supportive but not disempowering' course?"

'I'm sorry, but the doctor can't see you right now.'

"Your symptoms are complex...perhaps I could explain things in terms you can understand."

'I'd like to take some x-rays to determine if there is a problem or if you're just being a big baby.'

You should be clear and tell patients that Doctor Jones has an encyclopedic knowledge of diseases, not that he is "ill-informed."

"… All the lab work confirms it — I’m sorry, Mr. Franklin … You’re old."

'The good news is that it's not my problem.'

'Quality patient care is all about clear compassionate communications...was that less than 140 characters?'

"Well, if it's elective surgery, I vote no."

"With 1 being the lowest, and 10 being the highest, could you rate the pain of your headache?"

"Hello, reception? Can you tell me how I am this morning and whether I had a comfortable night?"

'I don't know if it's on your end or mine, but I'm getting some bad reception.'