Do-nothing Experts Pillows

"We did absolutely nothing for three whole months. Best summer I ever had!"

"Where's the business end of this thing?"

'I don't know what 'peer pressure' is, but it makes a GREAT excuse!'

"I always forget what an expert I am in curling."

'My dog ate my computer.'

Excess Baggage: Why can't airports provide a decent place for paying customers to catch forty winks?

My department was abducted by aliens so there is no data between January and April.

'If we can't come up with better ideas, at least we should have better excuses.'

"Should be back soon. He's just out catching a few x-rays."

"My homework is not done because our home modem is tool slow for downloading the answers."

'Homework done only $1.00' 'Homework eaten only $0.50'

'Can I help it if she's a rotten teacher?'

"I'm in big trouble. The dog ate my homework, and Dad ate my science project."

"Once again one of your "I'm late because I was abducted and operated on by aliens" excuses?"

'Would you believe, I didn't get my homework done because of PMS?'

Acme Corp - In business since 1927 BG. 'The 'BG' stands for 'Before Greenspan'.'

'How can you bear to sit around doing nothing? You're right, I think I'll have a nap.'

"How much of this stuff can I eat before it can no longer be returned?"

"Well, sometimes I'll just hang around and do nothing. Oh wait, that's all the time."

'Curses! My eyes were closed.'

"Breakfast will be a little late. Our computer's down."

"...according to my records Tomkins, this is your grandmother's seventh funeral."

How to deal with weeds

'I don't believe for one minute that an octopus crawled up last night and ate all the coconuts!'

Wal Max - Complaints Department

"I did a book report, but then the publisher pulled the book because the author was a plagiarist."

'I've eaten so much homework that I'm starting to age in paper years.'

"I never have a good excuse to be late: The teacher knows my dad wakes me up at dawn..."

"But....but....isn't that a puff of cloud I see approaching?"

If you rotate the corporate ladder by 90 degrees, you end up with monkey bars.

Beware homework eating dog

"If it's all the same to you, I'd rather eat this not knowing what the latest science suggests."

'I'm sorry I didn't practice this week, Mrs. Tinklemeyer. I just had so many distractions!

'The aurora borealis. Which is why you should never name something with your mouth full.'