Eye-rolling Experts Pillows

'For God's sake Mum - Stop rolling your eyes all the time.'

"Honestly, I didn't know your wife was in the shower."

"Happy birthday, dear. You still have that sparkle in your eyes!" "That sparkle burned out years ago. These are cataracts."

'Before we get started, let's go around the table and practice making eye contact.'

Don't touch that dial! — We're experts, and we know what you should be watching!

"Our father who art at www.heaven.com..."

Trustworthy Authority.

Optician: 'I can't seem to switch off.'

"Congratulations, gentlemen - we have achieved failure."

'The reason I'm paid fifty times more is because I think I'm worth it.'

-'God that looks disgusting.' -'You're telling me.'

'I hate to break it to you, but moons don't grow up to be planets OR stars.'

'The smallest line I can read says 'Made In China'.'

MD to patient: 'So, it's a little fuzzy and you're seeing spots?'

'Mother knows best, Dear, so stop rolling your eyes.'

"Your favourite and my favourite...whose name escapes me at the moment..."

"I started plucking my eyebrows, and I couldn't stop..."

"Billy's cheating, Susan is lying, Dave, no, that's Gary, no, Bob. Bob's stealing?"

"Well Mr. Bisley, your test results are off the scale. . !"

Boxer with glasses.

Corned Turtle on a Kaiser

'Behind every great teacher is a class rolling its eyes.'

"Nice of you to bring wine, but we don't drink anything that sells for under a dollar a gallon."

Good News, You have perfect 20 vision!

How to appear more interesting.

'I'm going to take a shower - No peeking, now.'

"Well, your posture needs work, but I can't fault you for eye-contact."

"That's odd! I can't find my new dauber anywhere!"

"They don't get it when I wag my tail ironically."

"I contributed a lot to charity when I thought I was going to die."

'I can't see a damn thing -- can you tell me what I've got?'

Alien Eye Chart,

"Well Mr Sprake - you're definitely colour blind..."

"My eyes are sore. I have to start limiting rolling my eyes every time my parents tell me to do something."

'Dad, you have your glasses on, still.'