Do-gooder Guru Gifts

"You're work might be free, but based on the quality, it's not pro bono."

"I'm in nonprofit work for the money."

"Me? I have a strong urge to devote my life to making the world a better place for all humanity."

"Tia Carmen, if times are tough, how come you're giving money away?"

'This exotic dessert I make is guilt-free. I already burned all the calories running around finding the ingredients!'

"I'll match donations when you match my tax payments."

Set of scales with white family on one side and black people on the other.

'Sorry - I only donate big.'

"I volunteer for the Samaritans. I tried to phone in sick this morning but they talked me out of it."

'Making virtue its own reward isn't EITHER a cop-out!'

The Ekert Saga: 'Let's put it this way...can you imagine how the world would be if everyone actually practiced hat they preach about following the 'golden rule'?

"All yours, Buddy. I'm ALREADY living on house money."

"When you reach your expiration date, would you like to be crushed or recycled?"

'Can't you stop being charitable, we are on vacation.'

Humane Mouse Trap "It doesn't kill them,. It just makes them feel really guilty about inconveniencing you."

"I didn't say he was housebroken. I said he broke up the house."

"Seems like all of Nancy’s nonprofit work is going to her head."

'You'll have to excuse my husband - he's got compassion fatigue.'

Honey badger do care.

"But if I don't know the corporate values then I'm not accountable to them."

Charity mugger

"And the Haves, you might say, are divided into the Gives and Give Nots."

'The problems with charities is that they are always needing donations.'

"Yes, we're a charity tackling skyrocketing income inequality, but we're also a charity that should be saying 'I love my billionaire finder.'"

'Honestly you could drive a 'coach and horses' through this document, there's no definition of 'weight loss', no time frame, no sanctions.'

"Christmas is almost here! Remember, it's the greatest happiness to give. And I want all of you to be very happy this year."

"Done saving the world for today."

"Let us through! We're charity fundraisers."

Half of those who made no donations last year 'do not trust charities'.

Be Generous to someone.

"You do pro bono work, I work for a non-profit, we both do volunteer work... that's why we need food stamps."

"I know it's better to give than to receive, but does that really mean giving away our good candy?"

Santa ringing bell with sign "Give now and avoid the holiday rush."

Bums Without Borders

"I'm a do-gooder, Maggie. It's not easy."