Diy Whiz Gifts

Gimme 400 rolls of duct tape.

'I was just looking at all the single socks we have when it dawned on me that I could knit them into a jacket for you!'

The first car accident.

Nerd tryouts.

'I'm afraid you've failed the Turing test.'

It appears to be some sort of computer virus.

'This is your idea of hitting the local hotspots?'

Math Teacher

Substance Abuse Seminar: How Not To Get Hooked!

The Invention of the Wheel

"The wifi password? Of course Madame, it's 'Ilove100boobies69'."

Heloise's Helpful Hints for Homebound

"So we've managed to consolidate all our multinational 24 hour hotline support centres down to one Single Point of Contact... and here he is."

Man on a unicycle trying to guard credit from nasty 'Bankruptcy'.

'I need both hands for steering.'

Apex Dictionaries Co - sign reads: Clowsed,bak at too.

"We can't just pluck figures out of the air any more. . . We use a bucket."

'This is just the first step -- next, I invent the Teamsters' Union!'

'Hey! -- I invented that, too!', 'It's that nut Al-Gor again.'

1080P New Year's Resolution

NOW HIRING, 'I don't have any formal training for the position, but I've read all the relevant Wikipedia articles.'

First Speeding Fine.

Millipede motorist

Um... Can I get an 'L', Pat?

"Bangin’ rims. Sears?"

At 4 years old most kids can say easy straightforward sentences.

"Richard P. Ruggles—a man and his mantelpiece."

'To explain this extremely complex new imaging system, we've brought in Chuckles.'

Big Berts Brickmaking Academy

'Excellent Hoskins, you've got all the right numbers, now shall we see if you can put them in the right order?'

"'Thank you for sending us your manuscript,' she exclaimed. 'You're welcome,' I retorted. 'Unfortunately, it's not what we are looking for,' she opined. 'How disappointing,' I remarked."

'And this is where we attempt to forecast the true size of the spending cuts!'

If God was a programmer

'Still duckin' an' divin'?'

"Oh, don't jump. But at least learn to code."