Diy Dictator Gifts

These colour charts are ridiculous... coal' black, 'midnight' black, 'licquorice black'.' - 'There's too much choice! All I want is plain old boring bl-' - 'Ooooooh... 'panther' black.' -

Library sections; Fiction, non-fiction and do-it-yourself.

'Fine stencilling. But have you never thought - Tit Willow, Tit Willow, Tit Willow?'

'These elves sure are helpful around the house.'

"Home depot."

Cut out and keep your own Frank Sinatra.

I did it my way.

Could you send a plumber out? I think the washers have gone!

"It's my home grown quail call. Quail don't come when I blow it, but cows sure do."

'Sure you won 'Contractor of the Decade' five times, McWit, but what have you done lately?'

"Sorry, bud. You know the rules... Dibs is dibs."

Potichomania (The art of decorating glass), as carried out by Master Tom in the Easter holidays.

'Seriously!? ... Well it's apparent I didn't marry a handyman.'

"The new house is almost ready!"

Man finishing painting through flap in door.

Lumber Yard. Luxury Homes! Some Assembly Required.

"It's a miracle I was able to build this desk all by myself. I'm not so handy."

Cartoon showing a group snails, one has a large shell underneath him. Another snail, observing, says to his mate: "Another basement conversion.".

Big boys' toys-r-us

'Workmate' bench helping DIY man "Left a bit"

'I WANTED to paint the room a shade of green, but gave up somewhere between chartreuse and citrine.'

"This is just a model, but you get the idea."

'Is there a lady in the audience whose late husband says he never did put up that shelf?'

Painting

'Apart from his awful workmanship, my hubby's handy work is fine.'

'Uh oh, I measured the lumber in feet, but you measured it in metric.'

Fred's not sure who to call first: 911 or the plumber he should have called in the first place.

"Would you go nuts if I paint EVERYTHING pink!?"

"We'd like you to think of it not as a 'brick', but rather as an essential component of a potential self-build project."

'Your father installed a security system.'

"When things have returned to normal I might take this up for a living whaddya thing?!!"

Christmas Craftwork

"If the professor on Gilligan's Island can build a computer out of a coconut, then you can build a cell tower. Take some initiative!"

"Hold still, it's a programme about making your own tv cabinet."

"I bought a fake rock to cover up this ugly rock."