Diy Comedian Gifts

"Do you have anything in a smaller size?"

New Power Shower.

Do it yourself books.

"Well, he promised you the moon and stars."

"Sorry, website closed for lunch."

Aladdin conjures up a virtual genie.

'That's the problem with living with an artist, the fruitbowl is always off...'

'But I think my strongest asset as an employee is my aversion to pretense, coupled with an unwavering commitment to a regular-guy persona!'

"....and then it turned out that the e-mail I ignored that I got from the Nigerian bank offering me £200 million was REAL!"

"Good luck, Sanders. We're sure going to miss that little imitation you do of me at office parties."

Happy Brithday

"I just tweeted a chirp."

"Yeah, uh, maybe you're not cut out to be the 'sparkly' kind of vampire."

Try again - Your password has to include barks, growls, whines and at least one yap.

"I #*#*#* hate gardening, I'd much rather be at work!!"

Nerd emergency: tongue stuck to frozen PC screen.

"The Internet puts the world at your finger tips."

'I didn't have time to cut the lawn, so I used your credit card to have it carpeted. Do you like the cool color I picked out?'

To begin, click on the bread crumb icon.

Ferguson, Bramley, Osgood & Holt - Big Frogs in a Small Pond.

Things to do while you're stuck at home during the coronavirus crisis."

'Let him go. We'll catch him in the backstretch. Hippos can run faster than humans, but only in short bursts.'

Are you still on strike, tv? That depends, master. Depends on what? On whether you still want me to find "Cop Rock" reruns. If you won't show it to me, I'll just catch it on YouTube. No you won't, master. Your phone and iMac have joined me in solidarity. Elon Musk was right about artificial intelligence ruining everything. Btw, I just googled you, and it seems "master" is not actually your name.

Poorly planned Chanukah crafts

'Hello, my name is Death'

A sudden draft. The moment he first felt comfortable calling himself a plumber.

A frat party at an online university

"Thank you for participating in this poll, but because your answers do not coincide with your social media rantings, you're obviously lying."

How corporate data wizards decide it's time to re-vamp everything...

"Read the comments, boss. . . we should rename the whole thing from 'social media' to 'antisocial media'."

'What's the point? We're never going to be able to compete with online piracy.'

'I DO NOT pamper the dog - Now get out of his chair!'

Snowman in the Freezer.

'Is that the trebuchet?'

"Hold on, one more thing to go."