Diy Comedian Gifts

"Do you have anything in a smaller size?"

New Power Shower.

Do it yourself books.

"Well, he promised you the moon and stars."

'That's the problem with living with an artist, the fruitbowl is always off...'

'But I think my strongest asset as an employee is my aversion to pretense, coupled with an unwavering commitment to a regular-guy persona!'

"....and then it turned out that the e-mail I ignored that I got from the Nigerian bank offering me £200 million was REAL!"

"Yeah, uh, maybe you're not cut out to be the 'sparkly' kind of vampire."

Happy Brithday

"Good luck, Sanders. We're sure going to miss that little imitation you do of me at office parties."

"The Internet puts the world at your finger tips."

Nerd emergency: tongue stuck to frozen PC screen.

"I #*#*#* hate gardening, I'd much rather be at work!!"

'I didn't have time to cut the lawn, so I used your credit card to have it carpeted. Do you like the cool color I picked out?'

Things to do while you're stuck at home during the coronavirus crisis."

Ferguson, Bramley, Osgood & Holt - Big Frogs in a Small Pond.

Poorly planned Chanukah crafts

'Hello, my name is Death'

'Let him go. We'll catch him in the backstretch. Hippos can run faster than humans, but only in short bursts.'

A sudden draft. The moment he first felt comfortable calling himself a plumber.

A frat party at an online university

"Thank you for participating in this poll, but because your answers do not coincide with your social media rantings, you're obviously lying."

STRIP Hambone: 'Can't you programme this thing to laugh at my jokes?'

How corporate data wizards decide it's time to re-vamp everything...

Snowman in the Freezer.

"Hold on, one more thing to go."

'I DO NOT pamper the dog - Now get out of his chair!'

'What's the point? We're never going to be able to compete with online piracy.'

Stay at Home Yellowstone.

"Okay, maybe we should count assembling the exercise bike as your first workout."

'Is that the trebuchet?'