Divine Notes Pillows

An amplified harp

Local News in Heaven

'I can't stand his 'holier than thou' attitude.'

"As a member of the Sunday praise team you are not allowed to "change it up", whenever you feel led."

'Okay - who leaked?'

"At first, I was teaching Job a lesson, but now I'm just messing with him."

'God sees everything? You mean He channel surfs?'

"They have to clean her up before they show her to God."

'Hello, Pastor Parker here. Thank you for calling moral support. Your call may be monitored to ... '

'Wow! -- Talk about family values!'

How's my Sermon . . .

"Blasphemy, yes, but it was funny."

'It creeps me out when he watches the History Channel and takes notes!'

Put it in writing!

Yahweh/Your Way

"I'm a pastor. My job is to speak 20 minutes on Sunday and listen the rest of the week."

"Look...the Pope's not stoppin' by for a little chit chat! He's here to admonish you and revoke your powers in the name of God!"

'When you pray, does God have call waiting?'

"That will be all, Mrs. Bernstein. During the break, we reached a verbal agreement."

'What you did was not only 'wrong' - it was 'wrongedy-wrong-wrong!''

'We would like you to accompany us to the station, sir!'

Arnold had not been much of a saint in his life and now he paid the price.

Today's lesson: the plague of darkness

'I don't know. I woke up with it after preaching last weeks sermon...'

'If God tells you what to say in your sermon, why do you make so many corrections?'

"Our records indicate you should be in hell. But since you’ve been married for forty years we’ll count that as time served."

"Billy's cheating, Susan is lying, Dave, no, that's Gary, no, Bob. Bob's stealing?"

"Well, you asked for a sign!"

"Omniscient?? - I think you're confusing me with google. . .!"

'Well, actualy, yes... I do think I'm God's Gift to Women.'

"No way, you guys are angels? I have a GREAT idea for a miracle."

"And my board approved this?"

"Are you even listening? I'm an arch-angel. There's no such thing as an investor angel!"

Santa Claus does not exist - Satan