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"They broke all the Commandments. Can they have some more?"

The Signing of tthe United States Constitution

"Gentlemen, I'm pleased to say the firm is perfectly positioned to avoid chapter eleven and still be in existence this time next year."

"The bear whose porridge was too hot...did he sue?"

Supreme Court. It's either constitutional or unconstitutional - We don't use a scale of one to ten!

'Normally, I hate a rush to judgement - but I'm doing this case pro bono.'

Stop and Birch

"#notguilty."

'Your Honor, in order to avoid being sued, we find the defendant 'Not guilty.''

"Gimme a 'D'! Gimme an 'N'! Gimme an 'A'!"

'Can I sue someone because I didn't win my lawsuit?'

Lawyer to bad hair lady: 'It's difficult to establish pain and suffering based on a bad hair day.'

'I'd like to go back to law school and pay attention this time.'

"Stop billing your daughter for reading her bedtime stories!!"

Intellectual Property

"My farewell gift!"

'I couldn't help noticing that nobody swore YOU in!'

How a Bill Becomes a Law, 2023

"Another slander suit!"

"Assisting me with this delicate procedure is Dr. Warren. He's one of the top specialists in avoiding malpractice suits."

"I propose legislation to simplify Brexit - the Americans are having a hard time following it."

'These sure rule out a lot of options....'

The Birth of a Lawsuit

'It's a treasure map.'

'Just think of one of these as enabling legislation for the golden rule.'

'My client has required the services of countless law enforcement, court, penal and probation personnel. He's not a menace...he's a jobs creator!'

Arrogant junior barrister

'A more conservative version of the gun bill would also require a background check for all voters.'

'I'm here waiting appeals.'

So you'd like to be a lawyer...we require honest, genuine people, who are prepared to...learn how to fake sincerity.

"When I grow up I'm going to be a police officer and follow in my dad's footsteps."

"'Ignorance of the law is no excuse.' Golly! I never heard that one! Did you ever hear that one?"

"It's either this or a country run by lawyers."

"Honestly, I have no idea what a 'habeas corpus' is."

'I'm suing my way alphabetically through the phone book.'