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"They broke all the Commandments. Can they have some more?"

The Signing of tthe United States Constitution

"Gentlemen, I'm pleased to say the firm is perfectly positioned to avoid chapter eleven and still be in existence this time next year."

"The bear whose porridge was too hot...did he sue?"

'Normally, I hate a rush to judgement - but I'm doing this case pro bono.'

Stop and Birch

"Gimme a 'D'! Gimme an 'N'! Gimme an 'A'!"

'Your Honor, in order to avoid being sued, we find the defendant 'Not guilty.''

'Can I sue someone because I didn't win my lawsuit?'

"#notguilty."

Lawyer to bad hair lady: 'It's difficult to establish pain and suffering based on a bad hair day.'

'I'd like to go back to law school and pay attention this time.'

"Stop billing your daughter for reading her bedtime stories!!"

Intellectual Property

"My farewell gift!"

"Another slander suit!"

'These sure rule out a lot of options....'

'I couldn't help noticing that nobody swore YOU in!'

"I propose legislation to simplify Brexit - the Americans are having a hard time following it."

The Birth of a Lawsuit

"Assisting me with this delicate procedure is Dr. Warren. He's one of the top specialists in avoiding malpractice suits."

'It's a treasure map.'

Arrogant junior barrister

'My client has required the services of countless law enforcement, court, penal and probation personnel. He's not a menace...he's a jobs creator!'

'Just think of one of these as enabling legislation for the golden rule.'

"Honestly, I have no idea what a 'habeas corpus' is."

"I'm pre-legal analysis."

'I'm here waiting appeals.'

So you'd like to be a lawyer...we require honest, genuine people, who are prepared to...learn how to fake sincerity.

"When I grow up I'm going to be a police officer and follow in my dad's footsteps."

"'Ignorance of the law is no excuse.' Golly! I never heard that one! Did you ever hear that one?"

"It's either this or a country run by lawyers."

'I'm suing my way alphabetically through the phone book.'

"I made my money the old fashioned way...a team of high priced lawyers litigating round the clock."