Divine Jokester Gifts

"He can't see us from there, can he?"

"Looks like you have Heaven Basic."

Clown God

'I'm considered a saint, but my mother always thought I could've done better.'

'Such a shame...he had everything coming his way. Too bad he didn't notice he was in the wrong lane.'

'Heaven's great. It's just that now there's nothing to look forward to.'

Moses and the burning brush.

'Well, she ate the apple -- I SAID you should have the whole thing catered.'

24/7 th Heaven

"We use the proceeds to help offset the cost of your eternal salvation."

"Yeah, Saint Peter here. I locked myself out again."

Copyrighted commandments

"I was rather hoping you'd tell me to beget!"

'Whe they said 'God is my Judge', I didn't realize He was a real attorney.'

"Please ask your pet to kindly put down the weapon."

'...We apologise for any inconvenience this may cause..."

"The following program was made possible by fluctuations in the random chaos of the Universe...."

"Wait 'til my Dad hears about this!"

"And on the eighth day, God sat back with a scotch and soda and waited for the critical reviews."

"The stars were much more beautiful from Earth."

"Intelligent design...well, duh!"

'I was hoping you'd sign them 'To my good buddy Moses!''

"On the eighth day, God found a lot of assembly parts left over."

"I don't know… Did you try Googling it?"

"Not now, Oliver."

'...heard the one about the Venusian, the Martian and the Saturnian?'

"What? You broke number 3 already?"

I'm sorry, all our angels are busy at the moment. Please hold and your prayers will be answered in the order it was received.

'Oh-oh -- What hath He wrought now?'

"And where do you see yourself in the next 7-8 billion years?"

"I've never read such utter nonsense! There's a guy here reckons we're all living in some kind of computer simulation!"

Saint Peter will sometimes put on a disguise just to play a prank on the new arrivals.

"Perhaps more people would give heed unto the word of the Lord if the Lord had a funny blog."

'Read that last part back to me.'

BLACK HOLES, the space path of least resistance.