Divine Java Pillows

"For those of you visiting our church for the first time just raise your hand and our ushers will refresh your coffee."

"Who's taking my order—the committee of the whole, or is there a liaison for decaf?"

'I can't stand his 'holier than thou' attitude.'

'You've had enough!'

'Okay - who leaked?'

"At first, I was teaching Job a lesson, but now I'm just messing with him."

'God sees everything? You mean He channel surfs?'

Newton's cradle

The Ordered List

'We are gathered here...'

Monks play conkers with crucifix

'Put down the coffee mug. I forget what you look like.'

Golfing with God.

"I'm glad you like this new brand of coffee, Joni. The label said "fast-acting," but who knows what that means!"

"Blasphemy, yes, but it was funny."

'let's work with what we've got -- take a few of the more promising apes, and add some extra memory.'

Religious toilets.

'Regular coffee? What's regular coffee?'

An angel spinning the Vitruvian Man

"I like my coffee like my men: light and weak."

"I can't. You told him he could date after you came here."

'I knew I should've used the fluorescent golf balls.'

"And on the eighth day, the Lord just puttered around..." "That cloud doesn't belong there. Did I do that? I'd better move it..."

Thanks God!

Cowboy with saddle coffee holder.

"Please cut and paste these prayers to an other gods up there....just in case I've been following the wrong one."

A leap of faith.

'Does it come with any Apps'

'What you did was not only 'wrong' - it was 'wrongedy-wrong-wrong!''

Today's lesson: the plague of darkness

"Our records indicate you should be in hell. But since you’ve been married for forty years we’ll count that as time served."