Divine Duo Gifts

"Hey! These are still good!!"

'...We apologise for any inconvenience this may cause..."

"And on the eighth day, God sat back with a scotch and soda and waited for the critical reviews."

Man with 'Real Ale' written on t-shirt, woman with 'Real Pine' written on rolling pin

"What? You broke number 3 already?"

Local News in Heaven

Love conquers all, except plaque.

'I can't stand his 'holier than thou' attitude.'

Ballet Lovers

"Beware of God"

"Ultimately, we realized we share too many app subscriptions not to make it work."

'Okay - who leaked?'

"At first, I was teaching Job a lesson, but now I'm just messing with him."

Angel doing the hula hoop.

'He has his pet and I have mine.'

Couple painting each other - one turns to the other and says, 'Hon, let's hire a model.'

Dancing

"They have to clean her up before they show her to God."

'God sees everything? You mean He channel surfs?'

"The amendments are coming next week!"

Vicar's driving lesson "Here endeth the first lesson!"

"I thought you'd take up something like gardening in your retirement, not parkour."

'Telling me He works in mysterious ways!'

'Catch a pair of chimps and do a complete makeover on them.'

"If he doesn't like the hand puppet routine, I'll try running the burning bush idea by him."

'Wow! -- Talk about family values!'

'Sorry, pastor, your soul's grace period is eternity, your car's is six minutes.'

God sends a text message: 'OMME!'

"Jeremy and I are so in sync, we finish each other's tweets."

"And the Lord he sayeth 'doest thou thinkest I knoweth not who sniggereth at the back there?'"

"Blasphemy, yes, but it was funny."

And the Lord said: 'I created the universe. What on earth makes you think I'll be impressed by a dead goat?'

Home Business - Printer Ink.

It's not always a good idea for two contrarians like you to be together. Amanda Kern. Comics Counseling. You hear that, you old battle-axe? Yeah, I hear that, you old coot. That'll be $150.

"I hate his 'holier than thou' attitude."