Divine Apparel Enthusiasts Pillows

'You think it's easy being me? You don't know how hard it is finding a pair of gloves that fit.'

"That shirt is so last year."

"I'll take new members any way I can get them."

'We are gathered here...'

"I opted for the upgrades."

'Of course we can fix your sweater but we'll have to contact the sheep to match the wool!'

'Food has replaced sex in my life. Now I can't even get into my own pants.'

Angel Golf

"Who'd have thought it? It turns out you can take it with you when you die."

'...Now we'd be expecting turning water into a decent '67 vintage at the VERY LEAST!'

Football

"The Good Lord is an excellent reference, but without a phone number..."

'You're going to school dressed like that? I can hardly see your underwear!'

Jesus Suddenly Realizes It's Almost Father's Day

"Don't look now, but they suddenly got REALLY fruitful!"

'Well yes. I guess it makes you look taller.'

Nope. Not the same thing.

'But you particularly wanted a sleeveless pullover!'

Football of the Gods...

"Christ on a bike. Again. Again with the electric shaver."

'Never, Ever...pull on a loose thread hanging from your shirt.'

Do it right the first time.

Rugby heaven

"Is Thursday O.K. or do you need it sooner?"

'Hot pink would have been more slimming.'

Golfers' Heaven

Golf Sale

'Adam was okay, but I'd like the next project to be more user-friendly.'

Oh

"I like it here, except it's just the one outfit."

Cleaners Fold-Press Alterations. Open. The stain's still on my shirt, but they did remove the ten-spot from my pants.

'Neck a little tight, sir?'

"The government has handed our industry a lifeline. They've instituted a needle exchange."

"I don't like jockeys. They ride up on me."

Orthodox Priest