Dividend Income Strategist T-Shirts

'Well, call it 'diet stocks'. Your bank account won't get fat because of the dividend income.'

Phrenology bust with sections for different currencies.

"Stock options for your thoughts."

Golly, �1m a year isn't too much. I don't know why your shareholders don't understand you.

'We've set the bar quite high at this company. It helps us control bonuses.'

'Please remember that these figures could be off as much as two dollars.'

'The prevailing wisdom is that markets are always right. I think that luck is always right.'

Investments - remember, you are what you invest in!

'Investment charts can be complicated, son, but that usually means, 'bonuses'.'

Will work for ETFs

"I AM at my usual position."

'OK, everybody, calm down,,,'

'Dammit - how do we get in on that gross national product?'

"Okay, money doesn't make you happy. So how about commodity futures?"

Signs: Sales, Profit and Media coverage.

Investments - Founders Bear and Bull.

Economic Outlook Conference - 'Remember the seating is optimist, pessimist, optimist,...'

Day trading.

'There's more to life than winning. There's also losing - to offset taxable capital gains.'

World Economic Crisis.

'The bad news is it's all our client's money.'

'Hey, the quarter wasn't so bad after all.'

'When investment bankers give parental advice'

'Call the boss! We're in trouble!'

"I'm not telling you to stay. I'm talking to the stock market."

"We're counting on you to reverse this trend before this afternoon's investors meeting."

"He'll do anything to say in power."

I was trying to day trade my way through business school, but then the stock market tanked.

'For Harland, the only game in town is the bulls versus the bears...'

"Ed and Helen's portfolio rose 3 point today on Dave's purchase of 100 shares..."

'Remember, an economic boom is usually followed by an economic kaboom,'

Shareholders Meeting: 'Mr Kenny will now take friendly fire from the audience.'

"I will now fend off questions from the audience."

'The Truth-in-advertising people want us to call ourselves the 'Sluggish Fund Group'.'

'This financial report is frightening. Who wrote it, Stephen King?"