Capital Gains Strategist T-Shirts

'What's this I hear about you going long?'

Phrenology bust with sections for different currencies.

"Stock options for your thoughts."

Golly, �1m a year isn't too much. I don't know why your shareholders don't understand you.

'We've set the bar quite high at this company. It helps us control bonuses.'

'Please remember that these figures could be off as much as two dollars.'

'The prevailing wisdom is that markets are always right. I think that luck is always right.'

"Our light bill is astronomical living next to a black hole."

"Work hard. Save money. Work hard. Save money. Work hard. Save money. Work hard. Save money. Yay!!! I died rich!"

"Gentlemen, we're missing a great opportunity by not hitching this company to the current tailspin."

Investments - remember, you are what you invest in!

"We were able to retire 6 years early by canceling cable & eliminating anything fun."

Will work for ETFs

'Investment charts can be complicated, son, but that usually means, 'bonuses'.'

'Now that we've defined 'happy deficits' let's try it out on the stockholders.'

'I think I know what the problem is!'

"Okay, money doesn't make you happy. So how about commodity futures?"

"Well, either you're hopelessly optimistic or hopelessly short-sighted."

Pity vs. Bragging and Public Relations

Investments - Founders Bear and Bull.

Signs: Sales, Profit and Media coverage.

Economic Outlook Conference - 'Remember the seating is optimist, pessimist, optimist,...'

Day trading.

'The bad news is it's all our client's money.'

World Economic Crisis.

'He's refusing to die as a protest against Inheritance Tax.'

'Hey, the quarter wasn't so bad after all.'

'When investment bankers give parental advice'

"I'm not telling you to stay. I'm talking to the stock market."

'Are we broke yet?'

"Ahh... don't you just LOVE that new, re-organized-under-bankruptcy-protection smell?"

"I just..."

'You shouldn't have taken that personal pension.' 'You shouldn't have taken that endowment mortgage.' 'When do you get your free tv license?' Job's comforters, today.

"At these tuition prices an acceptance letter is pretty much a denial."

I was trying to day trade my way through business school, but then the stock market tanked.