Capital Gain Enthusiast T-Shirts

'You should have come to me sooner.'

'Now that I have your attention...'

"These projections don't make sparkles shoot out my ass."

Profit

'Which 'win' is ours? Because the one on the left looks bigger.'

Businessmen trying to prop up a line-chart with sticks

'Quick! We need a bigger chart in here!'

'If he knows so much about stocks and shares, how come he still has to work?'

'Looks like your cash cow just got diverted to the slaughterhouse.'

"I've decided to step down as CEO so I can spend more time with my money."

"I'm from brokers without borders. Invest in deserted island reits!"

'Investment charts can be complicated, son, but that usually means, 'bonuses'.'

"Fantastic presentation! All of the investors loved it."

'Wavering between being bullish or bearish'

'Great news this quarter! Losses are up in smoke, profits are high, and we're seeing lots of green!'

'Today the stock market was moribund, as growth equities sputtered and bonds dipped due to the inverted yield curve. I'd translate that into layman's terms...but they don't pay me enough.'

"Okay, money doesn't make you happy. So how about commodity futures?"

Wall Street Couch

"I made money the old fashioned way. I inherited it."

'If only I'd spent as much time on my investment portfolio as I did on my lolly mix when I was a kid.'

Investments - Founders Bear and Bull.

Day trading.

'When investment bankers give parental advice'

I was trying to day trade my way through business school, but then the stock market tanked.

'Stocks were up on news that no performance enhancing drugs were used to achieve today's highs. . .'

"We're counting on you to reverse this trend before this afternoon's investors meeting."

"Ed and Helen's portfolio rose 3 point today on Dave's purchase of 100 shares..."

'Not feeling well? Don't be silly - your EKG has outperformed the Dow.'

'I highly recommend this painting if you're interested in art as an investment.'

'No thanks, I don't drink when I'm driving home a point about investing.'

US dollar perched on fragile house of cards.

"I sold my soul for about a tenth of what the damn things are going for now."

'I just love this new reality show, TRADING BANK ACCOUNTS!'

Men on escalators reading newspapers, shares are going up on the up escalator and down on the down escalator.

'Why do you want a career in the bank?'