Diversification Guru Gifts

'Diversify, diversify, diversify. Never keep all your eggs in one basket, unless it's Easter.'

Jack of all trades

'Whoever said 'The only thing we have to fear is fear itself' never had a room full of angry shareholders.'

"It's a memo from the legal department reminding us to (heh-heh), 'keep our noses clean'."

'Looks like your cash cow just got diverted to the slaughterhouse.'

'I'm judging by your silence Al that you're giving me the green light on the Greenwich project. I just want to say that I admire your leadership. I guess that's why you've been running this company for 20 years.'

Sir Winston Churchill

'Here's MY information highway!'

'The downside to my meteoric rise to the top is that I didn't have the opportunity to step on many people.'

Investments - remember, you are what you invest in!

"I suppose just climbing the greasy pole is no longer an option..."

The Dubloon Stops Here

'Can he call you back? He's taking time to stop and smell the profits.'

Will work for ETFs

'I'm afraid you don't have the leadership qualities we're seeking.'

Teamwork!

"Invest in technology."

'Instead of a raise, Yomp, you may call me 'Chief', instead of Mr Staghorn.'

The Shrinking Dollar.

"We've called this special Stocholders meeting because we want all of our stock back."

'Our job will be to drag the competition down to our level.'

'I had to overcome stereotypical misunderstandings about who makes a good leader.'

'well of course I'm giving your portfolio the attention it deserves, I'm even wearing a black armband!'

'Well, dad, as a medical student I've got to read specialized literature!'

"He's quick with the birds and bees stuff, but then comes the bulls and the bears..."

'This is where I hang out until bullishness makes a comeback.'

'For Harland, the only game in town is the bulls versus the bears...'

Our Motto: Buy Low Sell High is the Best Revenge.'

"It's hard not to take a mutiny personally."

"When was the last time you exercised something other than a purchase option?"

'Hey! What's the big idea!?!'

Shareholders Meeting: 'Mr Kenny will now take friendly fire from the audience.'

"They've made these fund prospectuses much easier to read." Brochure states; 'Give us all your money and get lost."

Hedge fund sharks attacking 'The Markets' ship.

'It's not surprising. The production department is in Spain, the warehouse is in Korea, the accounting division is in Bolivia, the board of directors is in Canada.'