District Attorneys Gifts

'My client stands before you, a jury of his whittling peers ...'

'Whe they said 'God is my Judge', I didn't realize He was a real attorney.'

"Do you want to pretend to be a doctor and I'll pretend to be a hotshot civil litigation attorney who sues you till your ears bleed?"

Solicitor speaks legal jargon and has a translator who tells client: 'You haven't a hope!'

'I had my attorney draw this up. It states that if I choose to rise, I don't necessarily have to shine.'

"In lieu of a pre-nup we decided just to label everything."

"Well if I can't be a cowboy I'll be a lawyer for cowboys."

'This is my partner. He'll be taking care of the small print.'

"No, of course there isn't, 'one law for the rich and another for the poor'... There's no law for the poor."

"Our new associate asks how much of a fee is too much. Do you want to handle this or shall I laugh in his face?"

"What do you recommend for someone being tried in absentia?"

"Objection, Your Honor! Alleged killer whale."

'Call me immediately if there's any serious side effects so I can notify my lawyer.'

'If corporate lawyers are a dime a dozen, where are the other ten?'

'Look -- I'm willing to forget about all this if you are.'

"Your Honor, we're going to go with the prosecution's spin."

'I request an postponement, Your Honor -- I have to study for my bar exams.'

'Ignorance of the law is no excuse, especially when you're majoring in Law.'

'How do you plead, in twenty-five words or less?'

'There they go - off on their own - and a finer bunch of fledgelings one couldn't ask.'

'Hello, Acme signs? This is the Berger & Coles Law Office...'

I love Lawyers

Cat and dog at a will reading.

"Judgement Day: Division Four"

'It wasn't long before Larry realized his calling as a lawyer whisperer...'

"For the sake of not being redundant, your honor, I feel that one 'bad dog' is sufficient."

"After I graduate middle school, high school and college, I'll go to law school to get you out of this. But I want my retainer now."

"Hey, I'm just playing devil's avocado!"

I'm accused of kicking you in the womb, but your evidence is purely circumstantial. Lawyer baby.

What do you mean, "Did I try anything funny?"

"He's actually my co-counsel, but you may scratch his head."

"Oh dear, it's just as we suspected.. they do come from another planet."

"We-your agents, successors, licensees, and assigns--would like to share a few thoughts with you."

'I'm being sent back. I told you I have a great attorney.'

'What he said about judgement day is scary. Maybe we should find a good lawyer.'