Distortion Humor Fan Gifts

A crooked guy looking normal in a fun house mirror.

"Of course he's smiling. He's getting $15,000 to give a lecture on free speech."

Director/Action Man toy.

"Better bring me another cookie. The last one fell in the water."

"You'll love this. It's swarthy yet munificent, didactic and gregarious with hints of dogma."

'The ghost walks this passage every night Monday to Friday. He has weekends off.'

King Henry and his Cheshire bride

"It better not be any of that over oaked chardonnay."

One Man's Meat is Another Man's Poetry

Fabrique en Francais (Made in France).

What's normal?

"Actually, the district office is getting better results with a fresh garlic bagel."

"It's a cage. It's gilded, and I love it."

'Taxes are going up, but that's no excuse to earn less, Mr. Syms.'

The Working Woman's Magazine

'Wow! -- Talk about a paradigm shift!'

"I thought they were cracking down on jaywalking."

'The world already ended, but the government hushed it up.'

"The Chicken: Just another body type that shouldn't be permitted to wear yoga pants."

The Brothers Grime

'Oh, so now the ocean isn't GOOD enough for you?'

On the brink.

A man sees Zeus throwing lightning bolts on the balcony of his apartment.

"It's about sex and revenge, except for a short chapter on the Continental Congress."

"Don't you just hate restaurants that make you feel rushed?"

Parade of Businessmen

'Mom, don't you understand? Those collars are symbols of subservience and repression!'

The prophet who changed water into diet grapefruit soda.

"Ahhh....I think that was a flying fuck."

'I look forward to a bigger and bolder vision in my 2nd term.'

"It's a long way to Enlightenment. You might need some cash."