Distance Learning Fan Gifts

"He would just sit there the entire class, staring off into space, so I thought maybe he'd respond better to distance learning."

'I hope you're not threatened by powerful women, because you're fired.'

"There's something weird about Emily. She actually likes school!"

"Mom, please shake my chair. I'm taking a virtual school bus ride before class begins."

"Yep, I've read this chapter before."

'Irwin graduates from an online course today.'

"I've always wanted an empire of Distance Learning Campuses."

"I see here that you are a recent graduate."

'I'm pretty sure I have a Ph.D. I think one came bundled with my new computer.'

"Bet she says 'moo' before she says 'oink'."

"Anyway, to make a long story short, I'm the guy who invented CliffsNotes."

"I'd say hi to my favorite teacher, but I think she's enjoying some quiet remote-from-us learning."

'I expect 'Sesame Street has seen some new developments since I was your age?'

GARDU VIN! (BEWARE!). Clown sees several pies to beware of.

'Don't act too happy that school's out. You'll hurt our teacher's feelings.'

'Boasting bumper stickers.'

Transylvania Lecture Hall. Tonight Count Dracula will speak about lessons he learned looking back over a long life. I thought vampires didn't reflect.

"Tell you what, just tweet me your order when you're ready."

Resume Consultant. I can polish up your resume, but I won't be able to pound all the dents. (Published originally on Janurary 8, 2009.)

". . . and I wish he's shut up for a few minutes!"

'I'm enrolling in an online course to learn how to apply for a loan for an online university.'

"I don't have any yet. We just opened."

'You tell me that I should forget the past and go on with my life But doctor, I am the history teacher'

'Giles has got his first follower on Twitter so we thought we'd have a few people round for drinks, just a small celebration...'

Please School Remotely.

'Wow! My distance learning professor sent me an assignment.'

Best Dream Ever

"I've become a more effective teacher with 'distance learning'."

'Ever since she got that MBA on the Internet, she's been impossible to live with.'

"He SAYS that's his classroom, but looks to me like he's found some old reruns of Hollywood Squares!"

Karl Marks

'My birthday? The 30th January. What year? Every year Sir.'

I'm stepping out to look for a better job.

'The three little pigs attended a professional development seminar on dealing with bullies and they were never bothered by the big bad wolf again.'

"I didn't have time to take him to the dog trainer. Luckily, they have an online course."