Dispatcher T-Shirts

FedUp.(FedEx delivery van and employee).

"Sorry, I spaced out. What were you saying about your life threatening emergency?"

"We have a just-washed car at 12 Seaview Lane. All units respond. Repeat: all units hammer down. Over."

"Trouble at Zilpskyward's Imports. How do you spell that?"

"Victor one to control...we want to report a stolen car, Sergent - A white saloon with a little blue flashing light on top..."

How's my driving? 1-900-555-3121

I've organized us a double date with the twins from despatch. Cool! What are their names? Kylie and Troy.

Elephant Taxi Emergency

After budget cuts, emergency services streamlined their phone services.

Life in the Fast Lane.

No Escaping GPS

'We can now tell you there's nothing we can do much quicker.'

911: Would You Like Us To Commit a Crime?

"In my country I was a taxi dispatcher."

'I need an officer to respond to a report of a stolen donut truck.'

'Haa, I've been a 911 operator waay to long to fall for that...'

Dispatched

Dispatched

Flipping the Script

They hated me.

Online form - Submit.

"Do you see yourself becoming a movie in five years?"

Accelerated reading. Slowpoke reading,

"Russ had a novel published two hours ago and has a children's book coming out in 20 minutes."

'I didn't dedicate my book, A Lifetime of Wine Tasting, to my 3 ex-wives and nine kids, because they made it possible. I did it because they made it necessary.'

"It's a heck of a tale...and well told, but we don't publish resumes."

'So you want an advance on your writer's block?'

First Novels.

"I just finished your manuscript and I found the ending delicious."

'It was bound to happen - they're beginning to think like binary computers.'

"Your usually vicious sarcasm is weak. Go pump some irony."

Gay Times...

The Quack Quack Diaries: Quack Quack Writes A Novel

"Your hunch was right, Officer Garcia. We'll need a good editor to clean up this manuscript and bring his unfinished novel to a satisfying conclusion."

It's Dostoevsky. It's Melville. It's Flaubert. But it doesn't dance.