Disbelief Dispatcher T-Shirts

Maybe we should give him a hand?

Ghostwriting the Bible

'You'll never believe this - they've found the actual body of Jesus!'

"Damn. These must have shrunk in the wash." "I don't think so."

'Care to join in some of my avoidance behaviour?'

"Well, sir, it looks like things are getting pretty serious for Peter and Pauline."

"I wouldn't take the name 'dog strangling vine' literally."

Rumours Online

"Fit the reality to our statistics!"

Armstrong, an unmarked truck just delivered a pallet of mystery meat. Turkey. It doesn't look like turkey. It looks more like some sort of dehydrated pigeon. What's it matter? If we slap it in a sandwich, smother it in "gravy," and label it "turkey," customers won't know the difference. Wait, did you just think quotes around the word gravy? "no."

'I need an officer to respond to a report of a stolen donut truck.'

"My previous patient thought he was a cruise missile."

If Peter had only interpreted Jesus' words literally...

Dispatched

Life in the Fast Lane.

911: Would You Like Us To Commit a Crime?

"Sorry, I spaced out. What were you saying about your life threatening emergency?"

'What did you say? 'The light is nothing but an ordinary streetlamp'? Oh no! My own son is an atheist??!'

'Is this a trick question?'

'Haa, I've been a 911 operator waay to long to fall for that...'

Anti-Vaxxers

"In my country I was a taxi dispatcher."

After budget cuts, emergency services streamlined their phone services.

Elephant Taxi Emergency

'We can now tell you there's nothing we can do much quicker.'

"Victor one to control...we want to report a stolen car, Sergent - A white saloon with a little blue flashing light on top..."

" No, I'm not concerned about my weight...why worry about something you can't see?"

Fake news on social media

I've organized us a double date with the twins from despatch. Cool! What are their names? Kylie and Troy.

'Talk about perennial doubt?'

'Now they're praying for the Sun to stand still - You really should have told them more about physics.'

Out-tray Paper Aeroplanes

"My religion makes sense if you want it to."

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Flipping the Script