Disharmony Humorist Gifts

The Noisy Neighbours

"I meant the dog!"

"I appreciate you have a real passion for music Mr Hibberd. . . but I can see you're going to struggle with the piano."

Unknown historical typos: Isaac Newton presser, 1687

'My father carried this sign before me, as did his father before him.'

When protons collide...

After years of chasing and fighting they discovered it was all just a misunderstanding.

"This is not what I meant when I said 'let's chill'."

"For the last time, 'port' is left, 'starboard' is right!"

Headlines at Our House

'Deputy, I asked 'when are you going to a restaurant?' Not 'arrest your aunt'.'

Jude completely misunderstands his doctor's request for a stool sample.

T-rex takes a selfie

"I like a diet rich in surfers."

Mash-test Dummies.

Two friars ringing bells

When you said it was a place with women and a bar I didn't think you meant a ballet class.

"OK, you're right. It does say take 2 tablets by mouth."

"Wow, 27, not bad! Me, I've ruined 53 surfing competitions..."

"Aunt Mary, I think you may not have heard me right. I requested a bundt cake."

'What the... I told the dating agency to send serious candidates only!!'

'Sir, I'm an estate agent. Not a showbiz agent.'

"Ooo - nice! What chord was that?"

"I'm not sure how to tell you this, Glenda, but you've been sitting on a golf ball for the last three times."

Break Bread, Not Wind.

"Actually, I'm from New Jersey. The nickname comes from thirty years in the textile business."

Did you see our favorite comic strip today. The oldy Oldersons. Lemme see! Jebediah Drake's The Oldersons by Abner Drake, Jr. Oldena, you know, I can never tell the difference between pastrami and corned beef. Don't be so rye. Hilarious! But you know what bothers me? It's only in 95% of newspapers. Some papers are replacing it with new strips. What?! Mobilize the troops! The most powerful political group in America: AARC. The American Association of Retired Cartoon Readers. Give us Oldy or give

"If I ever get my own business, I'm going to practice the Golden Rule."

Welcome to Las Vegas - a faith-based community.

'You are a fool...I said 'Why don't you wear a BANDANA!'

'The law is clear. The salami sandwich sits downwind from the bench.'

'I gave you permission to Skype my class, not skip it.'

Cello Saw

Unsuitable hospital reading material.

'I could sweat the invitation said '7 a.m.'.'