Discount Devotees Gifts

Ed's Bar & Grill: Schadenfreude Hour 5-7

"Here's ten dollars off the books, Mrs. Gregory. It's our way of reestablishing customer confidence."

Sale today - 50% off everything!

'Which wine goes best with 'the old man and the sea'?'

Race track - with the race being to apply the white lines between lanes

"But I see you're having difficulty following my argument."

Thomas Hardy

"...and for today only, you'll get 10% off all tithing!"

"Did you read my review on Amazon? Four out of four people found it helpful."

A young couple selects items from a shop.

'How come we never get invited to 'come as you are' parties?'

"My lessons on Enlightenment are a prerequisite to my graduate-level course on Investing in Derivatives."

'I love these senior citizen discounts.'

"I was a gainfully employed copy editor. Suddenly, one day, I couldn't tell an em dash from an en dash."

"Blowing the whistle is perfect for a sports bar to let its patrons know that Happy Hour is over."

"I just wonder if the brand name is too obvious."

"...And please let the merger do through!"

One book... One book... One book...

"He used to be a senior fact checker at Meta — now he's just a pedant."

"Oprah is definite, Barnes and Noble is giving you front windows, and Norman Mailer has agreed to a feud."

Shopping Torture

"My all-time favorite rock group? That would be The Grateful Dead."

Opening arguments would begin after the intimidation round.

Hire a lawyer - get one free! Limited time only.

"I beg your pardon, but a mustache is required in the dining room. Would you like us to provide you with one?"

'Tell me about it, buddy... I completely understand where you're coming from.'

'It's not bad enough that he explains everything... He even explains his explanations.'

"I like your slavish attention to detail."

"I believe it because I believe it and that's how I know it's true."

"I'm just saying, if you keep insisting we seriously discuss problems and work on solutions, we're stuck here all afternoon!"

Hey! This is good in a first meeting. A frank exchange of opinion!

"Our manifesto must offer a measured but devastating critique of flying."

Denise gets offered the senior discount for the first time.

Night of the Living Well-Read

"After endless delays, boarding confusion and lost luggage, it appears he's finally arriving at his conclusion."