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"This black karate belt is phony, but it keeps my kids orderly."

"Approaching 10,000 steps."

"There was no other choice, Mom. It was a double dog dare."

'That large, rolled up newspaper is a reminder - mess up in this office and you'll pay the price.'

"Can't we ride off in another direction?"

Grounded

'Don't be so dramatic and get into my office!'

'Coulda, woulda, and definitely shoulda.'

'We're the parents. What we say goes. . . In one ear and out the other.'

"It seemed like a long timeout."

'But, Mom, being good just doesn't work for me.'

'Simple case of gravity, mom.'

'No, I didn't get a presidential pardon, but I got something better. God has forgiven me.'

'Should-do and shouldn't-do sound a lot alike.'

'What a bunch of control freaks!'

'I never believed in spanking children - until today!'

Eureka

'What a control freak!'

"Well, my daddy always says it's not a lie unless the Grand Jury says it's a lie."

"Don't make me resort to alternative questioning techniques."

'First she called my mother, and then she called Santa.'

"Darren Eggleston. I saw that!"

"Extreme? Maybe. But I have the best behaved school in the district."

I will not waste chalk kid...

"Looks like something exciting is happening in R&D."

"And if you look to the right you'll see what happens if you disrupt my class."

'Dad's old school teacher was really strict. He still has to go back every night, to finish his detention!'

'My school has a very strict detention policy.'

Funny how moms know when you're going to do something naughty at the exact time you're doing it.

"I can never remember whether children are to be seen and not heard or the other way around."

"I try to get a head start on them."

'I told you you should have bought a sat nav...!'

"And God called the light day."