Diploma Collector Gifts

Principal: 'Is THERE a DOCTORATE in the House?!'

Businessman with multiple diplomas - "Do you think you can buy me some competencies too, Dad?"

"Congratulations. Please remember the college's financial plight. Congratulations. Please remember the college's financial plight. Congratulations. Please remember . . ."

Congratulations, and thanks for the $86,000... Congratulations, and thanks for the $86,000...

'You'll never forget your college experience, though grades indicate you've tried.'

A patient in a doctor's office looks at a certificate on the wall above the doctor's desk that reads "Medical School Equivalency Diploma".

"It is my wish that this be the most educated country in the world, and toward that end I hereby ordain that each and everyone of my people be given a diploma."

After years of study & hard effort, you're ready to begin your life's work. . . paying off your student loan."

"Your high school diploma, and your voter registration."

Burgers Fries Shakes. Order Here. I think my college degree must be worth a lot --- It's hardly been used at all!

Computer degree.

"This is for business administration, this is for economics, and this one is for just showing up for class."

Graduation.

"You're no guru - you're a chiropractor."

"I see here that you are a recent graduate."

"The best part is, for me history is now history!"

"This diploma marks the end of four years of learning and signals the beginning of a lifetime of alumni giving solicitations."

"Make a lot of money."

A boy is sat at a desk, with five plaques implying different qualifications he has earned from using social media.

"I have a Bachelor's degree from Columbia, an MBA from Stanford, six years experience, and I'm a hell of a mouser."

'So you have a PhD, big deal, everyone working here has one! The question is, what can you really do?'

Personnel. I've heard of "magna cum laude" and "summa cum laude," but I've never heard of a person graduating "persona non grata." (Published originally on June 3, 1981.)

'School of hard knocks.'

Graduate

'A bachelor's? Big deal - I have a MASTER'S degree in enlightenment!'

'I have an MBA, but I've never MBAed.'

"The labor market is awaiting you!"

'Gastroenterology...do I know that?'

Morton's pride was understandable. He was the first in the Pinhead Family to ever graduate.

Bachelors and Masters degrees.

"First I'm getting a Bachelor's Degree, the a Master's Degree, then a Doctor's Degree!"

'My son has college degrees in psychology, economics and political science. He can't get a job but at least he knows why.'

No room to hang his diploma.

Time traveller of the year, 3173, A.D.

'Well...all right...go ahead.'