Dinnertime Pillows

"Let's talk about how we're not all going to buy anything this fall."

"What do you say we let the service sector handle our dining needs for tonight?"

'When do we eat? My stomach can hold out for about eight more minutes before panic sets in.'

"Did you remember the tartar sauce?"

'Br'er Fox said 'I'm going to throw you into the briar patch'...And Br'er Rabbit said, 'Please,please don't taser me!''

'Your French dip, sir.'

'I couldn't stand the heat, so I got out of the kitchen.'

Swan Fairy Tales

'Where was the TSA?'

'Dad's bedtime story was decent, but the special effects were non-existent.'

Ant story: 'and so they worked all day and they worked all night and then they worked some more, the end.'

'I know! It's what I had last night for dinner.'

"Skip the funny voices tonight—O.K., Dad?"

"And this little piggy went – whoa! Where is your fifth little piggy?!"

"Time for bed, guys."

'Then Jack told his mother they were getting out of the dairy business and going into crop production.'

'Dinner will be ready soon -- the submarine sandwiches are soaking now.'

"Well, I assume the three bears went in the woods like all bears do. May I continue?"

'What did St. Patrick have against snakes?'

Tell me a deposition, mommy.

Fairtale prosecutions.

'No sequel? No movie version? Just read me the big money makers like 'Harry Potter'.'

A.S.A.P.'s Fables

"It doesn't say, son, who they pawned the kittens off on after the flood."

"Are you sure that's not a typo? -- Maybe the cow jumped over the moor."

'The end. Well, time for bed. What are you writing?'

'And you thought you grew big pumpkins.'

'What a day! - the computer broke down, and I had to cook manually!'

'Read me 'Br'er Rabbit again and this time leave out the southern accent.'

You read me a story about a workaholic little engine, and you expect it to make me sleepy?

'Yeah. Yeah... Wolf, girl, grandma. I got the picture.'

"And what's the story behind the story?"

'When London Bridge fell down, how much was the contractor sued for?'

"A plague of frogs? Awesome!"

'She didn't notice it was a wolf and not her grandma?? Had grandma never heard of electrolysis??'