Dinner Table Sage Gifts

"There are three generations of surgeons here, yet none of you can carve a turkey."

What do you mean you prefer the sound of the sign of the right?! What part of 'either way we're dead' do you not understand?

"I used to be a vegetarian. Then I became a vegan. Then a fruitarian. Now I only eat manna that falls from Heaven."

"They remove people who have become 'jammed in armchairs' due to COVID 19 lockdown!"

"First you make a roux."

One can hardly be expected to solve the riddle of existence without a computer

"Wait a minute- these are just the ten commandments of perfect mashed potatoes."

'On to the office again?' - 'No, my pro.'

"I always say; 'You don't need to spend a lot of money to have a good time on a first date."

"Ralph - you'd play better golf if you had your eyes checked."

'Leeks can disappoint you and garlic will break your heart, but only onions make you cry.'

"Do I look like a wise man to you?"

Fish near-death experiences.

Last Will and Testament: Salt, Pepper, Tarragon, Garlic.

"While you're waiting for your order, can I pick something off someone else's plate for you?"

'If you want to improve your golf score, the best wood to use is a pencil with an eraser.'

"Rough year?" (2021 new year baby asking 2020 old year man)

"Why do you always have to be so judgemental?"

Customers Wanted

The past only looks good when you're living in the present.

Economists generally agree that consumers don't trust products that cost too little. If an item is too inexpensive, it seems cheap. A higher cost connotes quality. Price hike! Beware the rabid capitalist bearing economic theory.

'Wh-h-hatz-u-upp, dude?'

"Stop playing with your food and eat your dinner!"

"Our steaks are unusually tough tonight."

This salad tastes funky� Is this ranch dressing? Oh, I'm sorry, sir� I thought you ordered raunch dressing.

'This $10,000 bottle of Bordeaux is also a powerful solvent. It entirely dissolved my savings account.'

It isn't about what's right or wrong, but choosing what's right for you. Therapy makes shopping way more difficult.

"Slop again?!"

Strategic Metals and Non-Strategic Metals.

What can I get you? Something light but filling. Flavorful but not too spicy. Healthy but not boring. House of Java.net Cybercafe. Something right in the middle. Neither here nor there. It must walk the line of non-offensive yet opinionated. I wonder if Arby's is taking applications. If I eat a sandwich in the woods and no one is around, do I make a sound?

How Mrs Pavlov Would Call her Son to the Dinner Table

"A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single status update."

"The meaning of life? Let me Google that for you."

"I'm not saying it's undercooked, dear, but I've seen fish hurt worse than this jump off the hook."

'I just love the change of seasons.'