Dinner Protector T-Shirts

"Hello, Mr. Gottlieb of Acme Telemarketing? Oh, did I interrupt your dinner...?"

'That'll teach the pesky python to be greedy and eat all my chickens!'

'There's something hauntingly familiar about the bouquet.'

'I'm sorry young lady, but you're not old enough to be free range!'

"Yes, a table for three: me, him and his ego."

"I've taken the liberty of adding eight thousand dollars to your check so that, while you're stunned with disbelief, I can bang your wife."

'She thinks of them as her children...'

"Sure we could just print out the specials, but the chef doesn't want to leave a paper trail."

"Hey, guess what we're having for dinner tomorrow."

'My union prevented taking away our dental plan to pay for executive bonuses!'

"Hey, that's your personal pan pizza. NO SHARING!"

"Even more dangerous than crossing the road is being undercooked."

"Why, yes, I am 'still working on that.' You know what I'm not working on? Your gratuity!"

In certain parts of the world, chili-peppers have become a valuable commodity!

'Pasta imposter' "Oi! You're not vermicelli, you're cheese string..bugger off!!"

"You don't want me. I've got bird flu!"

"Must you people always call at dinnertime?"

"Does your waitress have any identifying marks or tattoos?"

'In this district, Constable, you can't be too careful!'

"While you were busy checking fantasy scores, your fantasy dinner went cold."

'Proud yes, but enough to try it again!'

"Listen girl! That is a rotisserie! Get out of that house! Get out!"

'I'm eating right now. Can you call me back when I'm not eating?'

'I knew something was wrong when I couldn't find my dinner.'

Magic to prepare food

Bird Flu in Mexico.

"How did I find my steak? Well I lifted up a roast potato and there it was."

Damn. Avian flu hit hard.

Finally, a good personal-pylon.

"Uh oh, we've landed near a nest ... Hand me the bug spray."

'Okay, give me a clue. Animal, vegetable, or mineral?'