Dinner Party Devotee Gifts

"We didn't have time to pick up a bottle of wine, but this is what we would have spent."

"Everything taste so divinely artisanal."

'There must be an elephant in the room.'

Sure, he's a zombie but hey, it's nice to finally meet someone who is more interested in my brains than my body.

'Have you tried our home-made wine?'

"I love this place—its food, its ambience, and its political goals."

"I know you didn't order the snails, sir. They're complimentary with the salad."

'..and we thank thee for these bio-engineered vegetables..'

"And the cheese in your omelette? Cheddar, Brie, aged Gouda, Morbier, Torta del Casar, Double Gloucester, Époisses, Shropshire blue, or American?"

'Enjoy your meal! We grow everything ourselves!'

'Sorry sir, we've run out of parmesan cheese.'

"You do like octopus?"

It's not because I'm nervous. The reason I'm not eating is because I really do have butterflies in my stomach.

"I have no idea what, hic, went wrong. I did everything, hic, Mario Batali said."

"Oh, boy, hard-core sugar!"

"I'm not weird I'm a 'person of weirdness'."

'On the contrary... I'm too tough for the steak!'

"Rump roast?"

'We don't 'skimp' on the pour, sir; we're just generous with the glass.'

'I'll have you know sir, that we used the finest columbian coffee beans in that dishwater.'

I'd like to take this menu and shove it where the sun don't shine. But I'll settle for the omelette & hash browns...

'Life is all attitude: 45 seconds of enjoying it...45,000 hours of regretting it...'

"All of tonight's specials dance around the whole GMO thing."

"When portions are this huge, I eat half now and the rest in a few minutes."

Joe's Kaff for Dinners! And Afters Too!

"I say it's Kale, and I say it's spinaches shitfaced uncle."

"Again, are you sure I didn't mention about bringing your own 3-D glasses?"

'Thank you so much, but I just followed the directions in the cookbook.'

'Don't let him pick the wine. He thinks Dom Perignon was someone who got knocked off on the Sopranos.'

Chicken Little was correct about something falling, unfortunately, it was an axe, and not the sky.

"Joel! Killer crust!"

"Gesundheit!"

"It was a cheese and wine party but the mice got there first!"

Waitress to church leader: 'It's your daily bread, Pastor. Remember? You ordered the prayer breakfast.'

'Would you like you steak WITH or WITHOUT a capella?'