Dinner Jokester T-Shirts

'Can't we have something other than curry for a change?'

"It's how he would have wanted to go."

As you like it - 'Waiter, chicken with watercress please' 'I'm sorry sir we haven't any chicken left ... but if you wish I bring you a larger portion of watercress...'

It turns out they don't go together so well,

"The meatloaf just tapped S.O.S. in Morse code."

"Fresh pepper spray?"

'My brother's a proper cook - he's come as a witness'

Don't go out in the rain without an umbrella....was probably not 'his idea' of a tip, dear!'

Onion operation.

International House of Excrement

"It said on the packet the pasta should act as a vehicle for the sauce."

'I'm going to bake you a sponge cake...where do we keep the sponges?'

Couple sharing the plastic widget from a pizza box like a chicken's wish bone

Soup Company: Chicken Stock, Beef Stock and Laughing Stock,

Shocking cows and chickens with the ingredients of the cake.

I'll try the cod surprise.

'If you mean Janet, she works the late shift.'

Hell's Kitchen specials: Lawyer thermador, barrister kabobs, litigator flambe, attorney tartare.

'I just come here for the ambiance. The food's lousy, so ordered a pizza be delivered.'

'You can do whatever you want, Herb, but I sure wouldn't take advice from a bowl of alphabet soup!'

'I wish you'd make those meatballs a little lighter; they hurt!'

Chef Contest. Ernie, it's not sporting to chant "batter, batter, batter" during a pancake cook-off.

Menu. Everything looks so delicious! Thank you!

There's a strange mist over my food. You never heard of pea soup fog?

"Are you sure this is the Irish guacamole?"

'I didn't find a finger in my chili!'

'Waiter! There's no hair in my soup!'

'I'm sorry, sir, but cheeseburgers are out of season.'

'Do you have any wine from the Ming dynasty?'

'I'll have the frogs legs - and make sure they're kneeling.'

"How about you? Were you 'locally raised'?"

"The body is eighty-two-per-cent broth."

"Would you like any suburbs, or just the check?"

'It's actually cheaper than the bait shop.'

"Oh, how nice. You're just in time to cut the vegetables,"