Dinner Diner T-Shirts

'If you need anything, here's my e-mail address.'

'We must be 50,000 calories away from home by now.'

'Dang! I never now if the sommelier is messing with me.'

Countervailing Clichés.

"You have a big check because you had a big wine."

'I really can't stay for dessert. Why don't you stay and DVR the rest of the date for me?'

'It's just some Pour 'n' Serve, Stir 'n' Blend, Bake 'n' Slice, Mix 'n' Broil and Chop 'n' Simmer.'

'How is the water prepared?'

Businessman sees sign in window of 'Fred's Chili Bowl' restaurant: 'Now Hiring a Bean Counter'.

What's your thumb doing on my steak? Want me to drop it again?

"'Well done' lulled him into complacency."

"No, my consomme was perfect, but my husbands calamari is a little underdone."

'So,,,apparently you're really a dude,'

'Can I have flies with that'

"Regular service or affected?"

'Well, if you're going to order 'left wings' and I'm going to order 'right,' maybe we should just order burgers instead.'

"Tia Carmen, if you had a bucket list, what would you put in it?"

'How would you like that? Medium, rare, or wrapped in plastic on a foam tray?'

'They're not mints - they're antacid tablets.'

You're pig-headed, Louis, I like that in a man.

"Aperitif?"

'Tasty bird.'

Zagat Rated.

'What wine do you recommend with the peanut butter-filled, deep fried, jalapeno bacon bombs?'

"Perhaps I'm asking too much of you in the way of companionship."

A menu with risks and benefits

'Yeah we found it, hey Ichabod, remember that jack o' lantern somebody left at table two this morning? Where is it?'

'Waiter, you seem to have mixed my bill up with somebody who wants to buy this restaurant.'

'You made me jump,'

"It's made with real angel hair."

'This is not Hungarian stew.' 'We ran out of Hungarians.'

'I've found taking a sip of another table's wine is an effective conversation starter.'

Chicken Coupe.

Okay... which one of you ordered the holy mackerel?

Big Boy Foot