Dinner Crafter T-Shirts

'Now where did I put my knitting needles?'

Counting ribs

Tabletop Theatre

"'Well done' lulled him into complacency."

Jeff's Smorgasbord

The Perfect Foil

The latest craze in party games: needlepoint charades.

'Fish has mercury, meat has e-coli, veggies have pesticides, desserts cause obesity...so we'll have the health-concious nothing for dinner' special.'

'What a day! - the computer broke down, and I had to cook manually!'

'Hello, Ebeneezer! It's me - the ghost of coming dinner!'

'...and could you refill the vinegar - Genius here thinks it's the wine.'

"Can you just recommend something? Neither of us can possibly focus long enough to read a menu."

Day 38 of self-isolation and many people are using the time to discover and enjoy new hobbies.

'After you with the camouflage.'

'Are these mushrooms or toadstools? And why are you holding a stomach pump?.'

"Let me give you the Heimlich. That always gets the waiter's attention."

'Lovely soup, just like my mother used to open.'

Alarming symptoms after eating boiled beef and gooseberry pie

Humble beginnings of the International House of Pancakes

What are you going to do with your face masks when we no longer need them?

"Wait. Let it breathe."

"It hasn't been published yet. Bloody idiots wouldn't recognize a great book if it jumped up and bit them on the ass."

"I had to get braces."

Waiter: 'Here you are ma'am.Your Walled-off salad.' a waiter serving a woman a Waldorf salad surrounded by a brick wall

'Ta Da! A brand new set of festive outdoor dinnerware for all my summer entertaining!!'

"I will avenge the underdone fish that ruined my dinner if it's the last thing I ever do."

Wooly mammoth

'What do you mean you're not hungry?'

"She'll only eat it if I cut it up in cloverleaf shapes, serve it on a blue plate, and do a little dance as I serve it."

'How is the Peking Duck prepared?' 'I'll break it to her gently.'

Dîner Transportable - plus dessert.

"What am I making for dinner tonight?"

'That's typical of him, to ruin our first decent night out in ages.'

'It was late, very late, but the peas had touched the mash potatoes, and only dawn could lift the curse.'

"Now that the kids and grandkids are grown I can get back to more erotic embroidery."