Dinner Commentator T-Shirts

"… and my mother-in-law is the crab."

"You owe me five bucks."

"All of tonight's specials dance around the whole GMO thing."

"Must everything with you be a landmark decision?"

'When you asked me over for a home-cooked meal, I assumed you'd be making it.'

"You know why they make these straws so big? It's a scam to make you drink fast so you can finish quicker and order more."

"Let me get this, but keep in mind that you'll pay for it in other, more subtle ways later on."

"D'you remember caramel before it all became 'salted?'"

The Shakespeares Dine Out.

Man with a 'menu', woman with a 'womenu'.

'Nobody goes there anymore.' 'Because it's too crowded.'

'No, I don't need a doggy bag, but how about a kitty bag?'

'Yes, but is it tart?'

Empty landscape containing food and stationery.

'You're cute when you blow your cool.'

'If you mean Janet, she works the late shift.'

All you can eat chicken $3.95: "Cooked is 20 dollars extra."

"Are we pessimists and our stomachs are half empty or optimists and our stomachs are half full?"

"God, I hate theme dinners."

'We were made for each other...we hate the same TV shows.'

'I'll be late for dinner - a shelf fell on me.'

'Do you have any wine from the Ming dynasty?'

'And just how much is silver going for a troy ounce these days?'

'I didn't find a finger in my chili!'

"You ordered mammoth again?"

Chick in noodle soup.

"I think he should cut a deal and invite Paula Jones to join NATO."

"You have zero empathy, Carlton. And I can't even begin to imagine what that's like."

"Are you sure its supposed to look like that?"

"The social conservative in me tells me to pay for dinner, but the fiscal conservative thinks we should split it."

'I wouldn't say you're boring, Chuck, but you're the only person I know who records The Weather Channel.'

'I hate them too. Listen, would you like to go out sometime? Dinner maybe? We could complain about the service.'

'I told you not to live-tweet this.'

"When you say 'the same', do you mean worse or better?"

'Self service.' 'How much do I tip myself?'