Dinner Commentator T-Shirts

"… and my mother-in-law is the crab."

"You owe me five bucks."

"All of tonight's specials dance around the whole GMO thing."

"Must everything with you be a landmark decision?"

'When you asked me over for a home-cooked meal, I assumed you'd be making it.'

"You know why they make these straws so big? It's a scam to make you drink fast so you can finish quicker and order more."

"Let me get this, but keep in mind that you'll pay for it in other, more subtle ways later on."

"D'you remember caramel before it all became 'salted?'"

Man with a 'menu', woman with a 'womenu'.

'Nobody goes there anymore.' 'Because it's too crowded.'

'You're cute when you blow your cool.'

'If you mean Janet, she works the late shift.'

'Yes, but is it tart?'

Empty landscape containing food and stationery.

'No, I don't need a doggy bag, but how about a kitty bag?'

All you can eat chicken $3.95: "Cooked is 20 dollars extra."

"Are we pessimists and our stomachs are half empty or optimists and our stomachs are half full?"

"God, I hate theme dinners."

'I'll be late for dinner - a shelf fell on me.'

'We were made for each other...we hate the same TV shows.'

"I think he should cut a deal and invite Paula Jones to join NATO."

'And just how much is silver going for a troy ounce these days?'

"You have zero empathy, Carlton. And I can't even begin to imagine what that's like."

"You ordered mammoth again?"

'I didn't find a finger in my chili!'

Chick in noodle soup.

'Do you have any wine from the Ming dynasty?'

"The social conservative in me tells me to pay for dinner, but the fiscal conservative thinks we should split it."

'I wouldn't say you're boring, Chuck, but you're the only person I know who records The Weather Channel.'

'I hate them too. Listen, would you like to go out sometime? Dinner maybe? We could complain about the service.'

Members of the legal fraternity at their favourite Chinese restaurant: So Su Me.

The Last Dinner

"When you say 'the same', do you mean worse or better?"

'Self service.' 'How much do I tip myself?'