Dining Table Dancer T-Shirts

'Yes, Dear, they are very pretty shoes!'

Selfish shellfish - 'You kids share your food and stop being shellfish!'

"Do you know I fought an hour with that salmon you're eating."

"That explains all the cavities."

"I'll assume, then, my remarks have hit a responsive chord?"

'My dad must like you, or he would have charged by now.'

'For once can't we all just sit down and eat as a family?'

'No, there's nothing else: At this time of year, we eat salmon!'

"Would you mind telling me why you keep hitting a scary-music sound bite every time you pick up your steak knife?"

"Waiter! - this soup tastes funny!"

Nuclear Families

Interpretive Dental Hygiene

"Do you have to mime looking at your mobile at the dinner table Marceau?"

Screen Time at the Dining Table

'It's gluten-free or free range or something. Enjoy.'

"Why do you always have to be so judgemental?"

'It started out with lactose, but ow he's intolerant of everything.'

"Ambitions . . . never, ever to eat broccoli again."

"Our steaks are unusually tough tonight."

"Stop playing with your food and eat your dinner!"

'I'm glad I don't like spinach because if I liked it I'd eat it and I hate the stuff!'

"Slop again?!"

"Why, yes, I am 'still working on that.' You know what I'm not working on? Your gratuity!"

Baking Bread

"Waiter, our son is a tasteless schmuck!"

'How many times have I told you not to talk with your mouth full?'

How Mrs Pavlov Would Call her Son to the Dinner Table

"The recipe? From shutupandeatit.com"

"This is a green vegetable, Mom. You wouldn't want me to break a new year's resolution, would you?"

'For God's sake, Ellie, we're vegetarian.'

'That's it - I'm leaving home!'

"Darling, can you pass me the salt and the pepper spray?"

"My theory is that alcohol and gluten, if taken together, will reduce fat and build muscle."

"I'm not saying it's undercooked, dear, but I've seen fish hurt worse than this jump off the hook."

'If it tastes just like chicken... I'd rather have chicken.'