Dinner Entertainer T-Shirts

"Would you mind telling me why you keep hitting a scary-music sound bite every time you pick up your steak knife?"

Come dine with me!

Grace For Flies

'..and we thank thee for these bio-engineered vegetables..'

"I know you didn't order the snails, sir. They're complimentary with the salad."

'Sorry sir, we've run out of parmesan cheese.'

"Oh, boy, hard-core sugar!"

'On the contrary... I'm too tough for the steak!'

As you like it - 'Waiter, chicken with watercress please' 'I'm sorry sir we haven't any chicken left ... but if you wish I bring you a larger portion of watercress...'

"Rump roast?"

Benihana style of cooking.

Party time.

"Again, are you sure I didn't mention about bringing your own 3-D glasses?"

'Thank you so much, but I just followed the directions in the cookbook.'

"Gesundheit!"

Horn of Leftovers

'Would you like you steak WITH or WITHOUT a capella?'

'There's something hauntingly familiar about the bouquet.'

"Fresh pepper spray?"

'I said, I don't know about you, but I'm a bit disappointed in the strolling musician.'

"Yes, he is a celebrity chef, but he doesn't have any opinions on Iraq."

A little sharpener before dinner, darling?

'What a day! - the computer broke down, and I had to cook manually!'

"Mrs. Simpson would like the recipe for your 'delicious steak pie', dear. Do you think you could dig the packet out of the recycling tub?"

"A little lamb please."

"This meal tastes just like dog crap!"

"Let that breathe a little. But not too much. My last bottle hyperventilated."

'This soufle is hard.' - 'No it isn't, your teeth are soft.'

'I'm in the mood to cook!'

"Step right up, lady and gents, and scoop yourself a heaping helping of the best spicy meat and bean stew this side of the mighty Mississippi!"

'If you mean Janet, she works the late shift.'

"Here's to a great post-meal nap."

"Appetizer is almost done."

'I just come here for the ambiance. The food's lousy, so ordered a pizza be delivered.'

"I worry about every little thing. Barry's more of a generalist."