Dining Judges Pillows

'We're ready to order... ORDER!'

"The fish sticks here are very good."

'We must be 50,000 calories away from home by now.'

"I'll have the Investigator's Special."

"Must everything with you be a landmark decision?"

"I like to sit facing the room to see if anyone seated after us gets served before us."

"And how is last week's tilapia tonight?"

"You know why they make these straws so big? It's a scam to make you drink fast so you can finish quicker and order more."

'This fortune cookie says 'buy oriental tea futures'...'

"Expense account or regular?"

"Great coffee, Carole."

'Waiter, there's a Fly-Agaric in my soup.'

"We add an eighteen percent gratuity for parties of six or more."

"Hey, …. what's not to like?"

"I think you should be aware that the chef is a summer intern."

"Would you like to see the markup?"

"Here's something extra to cover his lousy tip. Blame his fifth grade math teacher."

"And finally the chef's surprise - the check!"

"I'm Todd, your waiter, and I'd like you to think our friendship is more than contextual."

'I have a bad feeling about this place, Watson... and I smell a rat!'

Rare Medical Conditions - The compulsive desire to work out restaurant bills correctly

Waiter does not want to see customer make bubbles in his wine.

"How 'local' is the fish?"

"I'll have your check in a moment, sir."

"How did I find my lamb chop? Well, I lifted up a roast potato and there it was."

"Don't tell him anything."

'I said, 'I'd like to see the chef!''

'Mine was stone cold.'

'In case of emergency, break glass.'

"You can tell it's a classy restaurant - they're ignoring us with panache."

"The catch of the day is halibut. The day it was caught was last Tuesday."

Plane with banner shoots at another.

'You're cute when you blow your cool.'

"If you represent special interests, I can seat you immediately."

'No, no... I ordered a tart, not a tort!'