Dining Escapades Appreciator T-Shirts

"He pulls this every time the check arrives."

"You'll love this. It's swarthy yet munificent, didactic and gregarious with hints of dogma."

'Why, of course I remember our first date -- I had filet mignon, potatoes au gratin, sauteed....'

'We don't 'skimp' on the pour, sir; we're just generous with the glass.'

"Which wine would you pair with the complimentary bread and butter?"

"Waiter, can you heat this up? The wild salmon got cold while I was posting it to Instagram."

"Have you decided on what you'd like to have?"

Grandma's caf

Periodic table for two. Chez LMN't

'Do you want your zebra de la margola rare, medium or well done?'

"Waiter, there's a hare in my salad!"

'In case of fire, don't panic, pay your bill then run like hell.'

"We'd like the roasted homework for two. And fetch us a bottle of your finest toilet water."

"We'll start with the appetizer, move on to the entree, and then finish up with dessert."

Victorian Fast Food - 'I'll have the lark pie festooned with eels, a full stilton, two bottles of port,,,'

'George, you're supposed to be tasting the wine, not seeing what effect it has.'

Thermidor Dali

"....and hold the garlic."

Man Trying to Uncork Champagne.

'Would you folks like sparkling water or tap water?'

'Oops! It's usually the devil to get any to come out!'

Cheese Pile

"Could I have a bottle of the Chateau Lafitte '67 but filled with the wine from Tesco 2019."

'How was the squid?'

"It's an extra $2.00 if you want a candle with a wick."

"Would madam like to sniff the resealable cap?"

Who had the cod, and who had the flying fish?

Long Corkscrew

"A table in Siberia, please."

"This is a big wine. I recommend you order some big food."

'What do you recommend?.' 'A big tip.'

"Ah — excellent catsup."

How do I love thee? Let me count the ways … Open Mike Night Presents Sadie Cohen. I love thee to the depth and breadth and height my ladle can reach … When feeling hungry for the crunch of crouton and ideal lettuce. I love thee to the level of every day's most quiet need ... by cheesy bread and chicken wing. I love thee freely, as men strive for right. I eat of thee freely, and then, at four, 'tis goodnight. O Sizzler salad bar, how do I love thee? I'm hungry.

Waiter does not want to see customer make bubbles in his wine.

Snow & Flo series: Wedding guests.