Diner Appreciator T-Shirts

'Say 'when' or just think it really hard... I'm also kind of a psychic.'

Grandma's caf

Eye of Newt (evidently the favored hamburger condiment for witches)

"And the cheese in your omelette? Cheddar, Brie, aged Gouda, Morbier, Torta del Casar, Double Gloucester, Époisses, Shropshire blue, or American?"

'Before I order breakfast, which way is it to the 'International Bathroom of Pancakes'?'

Frank & Ernie's Diner. Special: Scrabbled Eggs. No, sir, it's not a misprint -- Ernie adds alphabet soup.

'I'll have you know sir, that we used the finest columbian coffee beans in that dishwater.'

'You and your 'Rescue the Reindeer' campaign!'

I'd like to take this menu and shove it where the sun don't shine. But I'll settle for the omelette & hash browns...

'Mom's Diner, Turkey Sandwich Special, $2.00.'

"I understand this diner has quite a reputation."

"Hi, I'm Pop!"

"Your soup is delicious. The broth perfectly compliments the font."

Frank & Ernie's Diner. Today: Yogurt Surprise. We call it "yogurt surprise" because we couldn't read the expiration date on the carton.

Waitress to church leader: 'It's your daily bread, Pastor. Remember? You ordered the prayer breakfast.'

'Who gets the decaf?'

Diner

"I'll have the egg-yellow omelette."

'The food is great, but it's embarrassing the way she always insists on burping you.'

"We'd like the roasted homework for two. And fetch us a bottle of your finest toilet water."

Restaurant. One thing you can still get for a single dollar is the waiter's opinion of you.

"The after-dinner mint is the boss's idea. I think it's superfluous."

"Your mother texted us that you're not getting enough to eat, so I brought you twice what you ordered."

I used to eat plenty of natural foods, but then I found out that most people die of natural causes.

'How would you like your toast?'

"The Knuckle Sandwich is good."

"Eggshell in omelette make Hulk angry!"

Mom's Diner/Mom's Desserts

Al's Diner. Special: Spaghetti. All You Can Eat $3.95. Ernie, don't play with your food unless you're sure you can win.

Tuna Salad, Meat Loaf, Cheese Omelet and Bean Soup

F&E Diner. I'll bet you want the alphabet soup, right? Hey! Don't put words in my mouth!

'If you order...You can digest it in...'

"The Halloween Special is the pork and kraut. It'll come back and haunt you."

Choice hellhole

'One placebo or two, doctor?'