Dining Enthusiast With A Sense Of Humor Pillows

"I can assure you ladies all our eggs come from free range chickens."

"How can you be out of wings?"

"Stephen and I are today's special."

'I'll have the crab cake, and he'll have the crabby cake.'

"The chef is going to need more than just your ‘compliments’ tonight … he’s in one of his moods."

"You'll love this. It's swarthy yet munificent, didactic and gregarious with hints of dogma."

hard-boiled egg...

"Tonight, perhaps Mrs. Lewis would prefer this quiet little table for two from which to send back her entrée?"

As you like it - 'Waiter, chicken with watercress please' 'I'm sorry sir we haven't any chicken left ... but if you wish I bring you a larger portion of watercress...'

'He doesn't ask for a menu... he asks for an estimate!'

'No, I'm not the sommelier; in fact, I don't even work here - I've just always wanted to try this wine.'

Next time, a larger tip for the server and less free tax advice.

"Do you want to be vaguely dissatisfied with Italian or Korean?"

'The Burrito King.'

Banana Split Personality

"Just because we're hyenas doesn't mean we always have to get Laughing Cow cheese."

The Main Types of Cheese

'I used to think I was the only one kids hated... I don't know what I'd do if it weren't for you guys.'

"I remember his last words were, 'Another bite and I'll burst!'..."

"No thanks, I'm stuffed."

"We have; pulled pork, enticed chicken, persuaded lamb, bullied beef, cajoled Turkey..."

'I can't finish -- may I have a peasant-bag?'

"My diet plan for you is if it tastes good, spit it out."

'For a small extra charge, we can provide a specially-formulated digestive enzyme.'

"I can't go much longer without your asking why I'm vegan."

"Well I wouldn't eat it, but don't let that put you off."

'Hey, pal... do you have a wine that tastes like beer?'

Diner

"Fresh pepper spray?"

"Anything but milk and cookies."

Clown answers the door to a custard pie in the face.

Baloneystini

Restaurant. One thing you can still get for a single dollar is the waiter's opinion of you.

"He's fond of garlic, so his bark is much worse than his bite."

'As you're pregnant, I suppose you are eating for two? Or don't you want to cut down that much?'