Dining Double Agent Pillows

"I'll have the sticky rack of ribs for my main course and something vegan for my Instagram post."

'‘Because I said so' or ‘Just wait until you have kids of your own' section?'

La Table

Restaurant Francais: All you can pronounce £30.

"I'll have the Investigator's Special."

"I come here for the pepper."

'Which wine list would you like, Sir - Classics or Plonk?'

'Dang! I never now if the sommelier is messing with me.'

"I like to sit facing the room to see if anyone seated after us gets served before us."

"It was wonderful, Henri. Arnold had died and gone to heaven."

Garlic Free Zone.

"I'll have the spaghetti, does that come on toast?"

"It comes with a small Greek salad."

"And how is last week's tilapia tonight?"

'I really can't stay for dessert. Why don't you stay and DVR the rest of the date for me?'

"Tell me what you think of the menu. I wrote it."

'I take it that the birthday cake is for this old trout you just served me?'

"I think you should be aware that the chef is a summer intern."

"We add an eighteen percent gratuity for parties of six or more."

'This fortune cookie says 'buy oriental tea futures'...'

'Waiter, there's a Fly-Agaric in my soup.'

"Are you sure you want to see the kitchen? The chef is naked."

Man says: 'Great pizza, but the mozzarella was a bit stringy.'

'Tomato ketchup?' 'Well you wanted the house red.'

'We're not at home, Stu. You can't just order 'I don't care'.'

"Larry never gains an ounce!"

"Why don't I clang some utensils, make 3 grilled cheese sandwiches and we call it an early night?"

"I'm Todd, your waiter, and I'd like you to think our friendship is more than contextual."

"And finally the chef's surprise - the check!"

'House wine?'

'I have a bad feeling about this place, Watson... and I smell a rat!'

"Don't tell him anything."

"I'll have your check in a moment, sir."