Dining Double Agent Mugs

"I'll have the sticky rack of ribs for my main course and something vegan for my Instagram post."

"Vintage? What would you like it to be?"

'‘Because I said so' or ‘Just wait until you have kids of your own' section?'

La Table

Restaurant Francais: All you can pronounce £30.

"I'll have the Investigator's Special."

Careful, the plate's probably still hot.

'Which wine list would you like, Sir - Classics or Plonk?'

"I come here for the pepper."

'Dang! I never now if the sommelier is messing with me.'

"I like to sit facing the room to see if anyone seated after us gets served before us."

'I really can't stay for dessert. Why don't you stay and DVR the rest of the date for me?'

"It was wonderful, Henri. Arnold had died and gone to heaven."

"It comes with a small Greek salad."

Garlic Free Zone.

"I'll have the spaghetti, does that come on toast?"

"And how is last week's tilapia tonight?"

"Are you sure you want to see the kitchen? The chef is naked."

'Waiter, there's a Fly-Agaric in my soup.'

"I think you should be aware that the chef is a summer intern."

"Tell me what you think of the menu. I wrote it."

'This fortune cookie says 'buy oriental tea futures'...'

"We add an eighteen percent gratuity for parties of six or more."

'I take it that the birthday cake is for this old trout you just served me?'

"Excuse me, but could you ask the chef to make this a little more photogenic?"

Man says: 'Great pizza, but the mozzarella was a bit stringy.'

'Tomato ketchup?' 'Well you wanted the house red.'

'We're not at home, Stu. You can't just order 'I don't care'.'

"Why don't I clang some utensils, make 3 grilled cheese sandwiches and we call it an early night?"

"Larry never gains an ounce!"

"I'm Todd, your waiter, and I'd like you to think our friendship is more than contextual."

"And finally the chef's surprise - the check!"

'House wine?'

"More croutons, sir?"

"I'll have your check in a moment, sir."