Dining Duo Enthusiast Pillows

Women's Synchronized Peeing

"Stephen and I are today's special."

'I'll have the crab cake, and he'll have the crabby cake.'

Life is for the birds.

"The chef is going to need more than just your ‘compliments’ tonight … he’s in one of his moods."

"You'll love this. It's swarthy yet munificent, didactic and gregarious with hints of dogma."

'A cheeky red?'

'Why, of course I remember our first date -- I had filet mignon, potatoes au gratin, sauteed....'

'We don't 'skimp' on the pour, sir; we're just generous with the glass.'

"Tonight, perhaps Mrs. Lewis would prefer this quiet little table for two from which to send back her entrée?"

'You and your 'Rescue the Reindeer' campaign!'

'No, I'm not the sommelier; in fact, I don't even work here - I've just always wanted to try this wine.'

"Hi, I'm Pop!"

"Which wine would you pair with the complimentary bread and butter?"

'He doesn't ask for a menu... he asks for an estimate!'

Next time, a larger tip for the server and less free tax advice.

Periodic table for two. Chez LMN't

"Have you decided on what you'd like to have?"

Frank & Ernie's Diner. Today: Yogurt Surprise. We call it "yogurt surprise" because we couldn't read the expiration date on the carton.

'Who gets the decaf?'

"I can't go much longer without your asking why I'm vegan."

'Hey, pal... do you have a wine that tastes like beer?'

"Well I wouldn't eat it, but don't let that put you off."

'Do you want your zebra de la margola rare, medium or well done?'

"Anything but milk and cookies."

Salt and Pepper

"Waiter, there's a hare in my salad!"

"The after-dinner mint is the boss's idea. I think it's superfluous."

'The food is great, but it's embarrassing the way she always insists on burping you.'

'In case of fire, don't panic, pay your bill then run like hell.'

"Waiter, this is the worst meal I've ever tasted. And believe me, I've eaten some crap!"

"We'll start with the appetizer, move on to the entree, and then finish up with dessert."

"Your mother texted us that you're not getting enough to eat, so I brought you twice what you ordered."

Restaurant. One thing you can still get for a single dollar is the waiter's opinion of you.

"Can I tell you about a few items that aren't on the menu?"