Dining Dilemma Enthusiast Pillows

"Relax sir, I'm sure chef barely remembers you posting a negative review online."

'What's this about the food tasting funny?'

'Not yet! Wait until he hits the breaking point... we just gave him some warm, soft bread and the cold, hard butter... THEN we bring out the flimsy plastic knife.'

This fly is doing the backstroke

'What do you sugget for a couple of fuddyduddies who love hot and spicy, but have to eat bland?'

"Statins. I got statins. Who needs statins?"

"Oh sorry, those are the Ten Commandments. Hang on, I'll get you a menu."

"I'm a strict vegan with dietary limitations due to specific food allergies. What should I get?" "A taxi."

The nutritional devils and angels on your shoulder.

Woman finds something in her soup.

"Waiter - there's no fly in my soup!"

Roger couldn't understand why his diet wasn't working.

It was time to start the lockdown diet.

"I think I'll just leave a hate tip."

'Water? Still? Sparkling? Mountain? Hill? Bottle? Tap? Warm? Cold? Ice? Lemon?'

Fast food trap.

"Say when!"

"Does skipping breakfast count as both exercise and dieting?"

"Yes, I can certainly recommend the lamb - everything else has gone."

"Give me the menus—you've kept the chef in suspense long enough."

"And would you like a divorce with that?"

"He said his name was Joseph when he told us he'd be our waiter this evening."

"I work out so I don't have to eat kale."

'well, then, I guess you're also lactose substitute intolerant.'

"Miss, could I have some, ah, just bread?"

'Take no notice, I fired him ten minutes ago.'

"Do you have such a thing as low calorie caramel coffee creams?"

"It's OK, I'm on a meat day."

"So, order in or go out?"

I want you to eat less fibre.

"That's what happens when you combine lo carb with lo fat fat diets."

'Beefsteak tomatoes and mincemeat pie.'

'Finally have an expense account and I'm always on a diet.'

'Smoking or nonsmoking? Hormone therapy or nonhormone therapy section?'

'Meat or anti-meat section?'