Dining Devotees T-Shirts

"We found we really missed going to the theatre and eating in nice restaurants, so we gave our kids away."

You know, Lars, you really should ask the waiter for a whine list. If it weren't for the fact that I can see the spelling in your word balloon, that insult would have gone right over my head.

Hello. I'm Ferdinand. I'll be monitoring the levels of bull at your table this evening. Menu. Menu.

"Remember-it's NOT keep-the-chef-in full employment week!"

"The waiter said he wouldn't recommend the octopus, so what do you order? The octopus."

Sure, he's a zombie but hey, it's nice to finally meet someone who is more interested in my brains than my body.

"And the cheese in your omelette? Cheddar, Brie, aged Gouda, Morbier, Torta del Casar, Double Gloucester, Époisses, Shropshire blue, or American?"

'I'll have you know sir, that we used the finest columbian coffee beans in that dishwater.'

I'd like to take this menu and shove it where the sun don't shine. But I'll settle for the omelette & hash browns...

Joe's Kaff for Dinners! And Afters Too!

"Everything taste so divinely artisanal."

"She'll have a Shirley Temple, and I'll have a Shirley Temple's mother."

Newton had actually discovered gravity at a family dinner in his early childhood.

Waitress to church leader: 'It's your daily bread, Pastor. Remember? You ordered the prayer breakfast.'

Diner

"I'll have the egg-yellow omelette."

"Expense account or regular?"

"Hmmm ... perhaps a pinot noir less spilly?"

I used to eat plenty of natural foods, but then I found out that most people die of natural causes.

'...and one 'death by chocolate', Sir.'

'How would you like your toast?'

'The braised toucan was fine...although I found the bill a little large.'

Waiter: 'I'm not really a waiter, I'm an actor. I'll act like I'm waiting on you.'

"A votre sante!"

Dave's Hamburger Shop

"This IS a chicken fried steak!"

Emily's Slow Food Restaurant.

'I can't have you spending all of your money on fancy restaurants like this, Jeff.'

'Would you like me to wipe the cup with my finger or would you prefer Rover here licking it clean?'

'Would you folks care for some fresh maple syrup on your pancakes?'

"I'll just have a small salad. . . say 400 pounds of fresh river vegetation."

'...And an extra packet of crackers! It's our Anniversary!'

A short-order cook gets sucked into the exhaust vent over the grill.

"Take your time. Breakfast is the most important meal of the day."

"We can serve a rare handburger, but because of health regulations, this room will have to be heated to 160 degrees."